Update

Okay, so it's been forever since I posted anything worth reading. About Twilight, it was alright. The script was written as well as the book. Take that statement for what it's worth to you.

Moving on now. Since then was Thanksgiving. We had a nice day with friends. Work was good for me the day before and after. It was so quiet and slow, but I totally enjoyed my work. I still really like my job and I'm so happy I found it. Things are getting busy with sending out holiday cards. I'm sure after this week it's going to slow down quite a bit as lots of people start heading out on vacations and what not. I like it when it's slow, but I like it being busy too.

Right now we're just preparing for Christmas, which is going to be simple this year. Moving out to LA was really a gift to ourselves, which has left us with little to spend on other presents. We're happy though and just looking for the time off to spend together. Right after Christmas Eric's parents are planning a trip down here. It'll be fun to see them. I really miss having them around and talking to my mother-in-law. It's also nice just to have family see where we live and what life is like for us.

Eric finally finished up his internships... kind of. He's still going and will continue to do so until he finds a permanent job. He's looking for work as an assistant to a literary agent. It'll be great for him and his career. However, I'll just be happy for him to have a job, which will make paying our bills a little less stressful. No one is hiring until after the first of the year though. And, with the impending SAG strike no one might be hiring until it's decided if they will or won't strike. We're just being prayerful and diligent that he will find something at the right time. I'm feeling very hopeful right now and that makes it much easier to work through it all.

Alright, that's a general update for what we've got going on right now. Let me know if I forgot any information you'd like to know more about. Thanks!

Twilight

I saw Twilight today. It was interesting. Lots of screaming girls in the theatre. More details to follow.

This Past Week

This past week was my first full week at my new job. Overall, I would say it went well. Monday and Wednesday I helped out in the accounting office. They were behind because they're moving all the companies accounting to this office and not separated to each of the other offices. I also spent 3 days doing my job as receptionist. Tuesday was a bit intimidating, but Thursday was great. I really felt on the ball with stuff and handled many different things at the same time. Friday, now that was just a bad day for everyone. There was a rude driver behind me on my way to work, Eric was at home not feeling well and then it just went downhill from there. For the most part I handled my job well, but it just wasn't happy. I'm still learning and I enjoy it, but we all have bad days at work. It's been a good weekend though so I'm ready to go back tomorrow and try at it again.

It was a pretty crazy week besides work too. Monday night we had F.H.E. at our friends place. So, we came home and made dinner then went to their place until about 10pm. When we got home it was time for bed. Tuesday we went to a special screening for the movie Slumdog Millionaire. It was a really good movie. We didn't find out until the next morning that it was going to be rated R. I think it's rated that because there is some violence, not too intense, but it was there. I think even with that it was a sweet movie with a good ending. It definitely leaves you with hope. Anyway, on Wednesday night I came home and prepared some dinner to go in the crock pot. After I got that ready I went and picked up Eric to go to a blood drive for our stake. His scheduled time was 7:30pm. We got there about 7:15 and he filled out his paperwork. (I can't give blood, but I was there to support him.) We had to wait about 2 hours before Eric was able to give blood. The line was just so long, but at least we had friends there so it didn't seem like it was really all that long. Eric pumped really fast, but near the end he got a little faint and so they put his gurney down and feet up. One of the ladies started giving him lots of juice while he was laying there. I finally stepped in to help him out too. It was so hard to see him like that. Every time he tried to sit up for the juice he would shake so much. I think he was just really weak. He finally felt well enough to leave. Thursday though was a different story. By the end of the day he just felt sick and faint. I picked him up from work and we got some dinner. We finally had a night to just be home. We watched The Office and 30 Rock. It was a good night. Since then we've just been enjoying our down time. I'm grateful to not have such a packed week coming up. It will be nice to have some breathing room for once.

Work!!!

Alright, since Eric and I got to California we knew that I would need a job since he would be interning, which would likely be unpaid. Right before we found our apartment I started looking for work. The day after we moved in I started a job that was temp to hire. It was alright, but I was never sure it was the right job for me. Turned out they needed an actual accountant and not an accounting assistant so I didn't get hired permanently. It really was for the best because I wouldn't have been totally satisfied there. For about the next 3 weeks I looked for a job. I went on several interviews, but nothing really came of it. I can't even begin to imagine how many of my resumes are floating around out there. Then, I was offered a job. I didn't want to do it and knew that I would hate it. However, we really needed the money so I did it. It was so lonely and frustrating. After I got home after my second day I actually cried to Eric. The next morning I got teary-eyed because I didn't want to go to work. Then, I cried at work. So, Eric told me I needed to quit. I went in the next day and after lunch (when the boss came in) I told him that I would work one more day and that would be it. He was pretty cool about it so that was nice. I kinda trained the girl he brought on after me. That made the day go a little bit better. I was just so relieved to be away from that job. Oh, during this week of hellish work I got a call about a job interview the next Monday. I was so excited about it and that only made me want to quit more. This Monday, I went to the interview. I decided that I either did a really good job or a horrible job at the interview. It was one of those interviews that could go either way. Later that day Juliette, the HR manager, called to do a phone interview with me since she wasn't able to meet with me earlier in the day. We had a nice chat and I was even more excited about the work, but I still wasn't sure. Yesterday, I received a call from the woman I interviewed with and she said that they were just waiting for my background check in Utah to come back and they'd offer me the job. I was very excited. This morning, she called and offered me the job. They are paying me more money than they planned to pay for this position and I will get full benefits. It's the perfect job and everything I need.

Oh, you might be wondering where it is and what I'll be doing. It's for a company called Creative Technology. They are an entertainment/technology company. They do staging for large events, check out the website. I will be the receptionist/administrative assistant in their LA office (which is in Panorama City, not LA). I won't even have to get on the freeway to get to work, so nice. I will do reception work and then any other overflow stuff that people around the office need done. I will be kept busy and that's the way I like it. It's kind of intimidating, but I'm really excited to do it too. Yay for work!

This is a huge blessing. I have had quite the interesting journey to find employment, but the beauty of it is that we've always had enough money to pay our bills and what not. Truly, this challenge has been fun and exciting, but a little scary too. Now, I get to work for real and have a routine. I'm so excited! Plus, now I get to go shopping for some work clothes. Yipee!

Prop 8 Passed!

It looks like Prop 8 has passed making it part of the California constitution to only recognize marriage between a man and a woman. It is quite a success for those of us who participated in the process. I'm happy to have helped to make a difference. I don't know that my life would have been very different if it failed, but I know that there would have been an impact on my children and the future of our society if the proposition failed. We did what was right before we could even fully know how right this decision could be. Congratulations to all the supporters of this proposition!

Addendum to Prop 8 Posting

This is just another thought from my previous post and the comments that were made. Please read!

A friend brought up a good point about how the supreme courts (state or federal) are part of the system of checks and balances in our government. He mentioned this to my complaint that 4 judges in California ignored the votes of Californians and said that gay marriage would be recognized in this state. Although I agree that the supreme courts are part of the checks and balances in our government, I do not believe it was ever intended to be a checks and balance for the voice of the people. They do not have the right to interpret the constitution just as they see it as a balance to the voice of the people. As Abraham Lincoln said in his Gettysburg Address, "...government of the people, by the people, for the people..." This government was established to serve the people of this country. As public servants they should uphold the desires of the people. It is not a perfect system, but it does work. I suppose we will see what the voice of the people is when all the votes are counted.

Prop 8

Today is election day if you haven't heard, but I'm sure you have. Having just recently moved to California we weren't able to vote. However, that does not mean we couldn't participate in the political process. The cause we chose to support was Proposition 8 in California. This proposition will put into the state constitution that only marriage between a man and woman will be recognized. Just a couple things about that.

1. Domestic partnerships between same-sex couples will still be recognized and they have all the rights and responsibilities of married heterosexual couples.
2. This does not change the laws.
3. Californians have voted to prevent same-sex marriage before.
   
4. God has ordained marriage between a man and a woman, but not whoever else feels like it.
5. Marriage is not a right, definitely more of a responsibility. (Anyone who is married should know what I mean.)
6. I do not hate or dislike homosexuals. I am just standing up for what I believe in.

In our support of Voting Yes on Prop 8 Eric and I have spent some time at a call center. There, we made calls letting people know about Prop 8 and encouraging them to vote YES. This morning we went to a polling location with a list and crossed off everyone who had already voted. From there the list of those who haven't voted will go to a calling center where they will remind those who said they would vote YES to be sure they do so today.

I know that people don't agree on this issue, but that's the beauty of voting. We can all have our voices heard. At the end of the day we'll see what the people of California have decided. In the mean time let me know what you think. I would love to hear both sides!

California Weekend

So, this has been a very exciting weekend for Eric and I. I'll give you a run down from day to day.

Thursday

• I received a call from a job I interviewed for on Monday. He wants me to start tomorrow. This would appear to be good news, but I'm not so sure. I'm not really excited about the job and I'm not sure if I'll be happy there. However, we need the money and it's not a horrible job so I'm going to try it out for now. I think it will be fine and in this economy I'm very fortunate to have been able to find a job. It truly is a blessing regardless of my feelings for the work. I'll let you know how it goes.
• We cleaned and organized to prepare for Eric's brother's family to get here with our stuff. They left Utah in mid-afternoon. They arrived here around 1:30am. There was so much stuff packed in their truck. It was crazy, but we're so excited to have our stuff. There is more in Utah, but we'll get it eventually. Anyway, we got it all unloaded and finally went to bed between 3:30 and 4:00am.
  

Friday

• Eric and I slept in until about 11am. We were so out of it. Zach and Megan (Eric's brother and his wife) slept in as much as their baby would let them. They didn't fully get up until about 11am either. They had more interruptions than we did though.
• We all got ready and left around 2pm. We hit up an In-N-Out for lunch. As usual it was delicious. If you haven't had a Neapolitan shake you should try it. It's super delicious.
• After this we drove down the 405 to get to the beach. We thought it would be fun to go to Venice Beach, but while looking for parking Eric noticed that it looked kind of dirty. So finally, we decided to head up more toward the Santa Monica beaches. They are quite nice. We finally found a place and stopped. It was around 80-85 degrees outside. The guys got in the water first and then Megan and I went and changed. The water was so fun. It was cold at first, but it didn't last too long. We stayed until about 5:30 or 6:00. We were there when the sun went down. It was absolutely gorgeous and not crowded at all. Oh, the crazy thing that happened is that I saw a guy get totally naked changing into his bathing suit. I was just surprised that he would get naked in front of everyone. Fortunately I just saw the side of his leg and nothing else.

• Once we got home Eric and I quickly showered so we could head over to Eric's mentor's house. (I'm going to call him mentor because he's the one in the business who has really helped Eric out and put him in contact with a lot of really helpful people.) We arrived a little bit before 9:30. We had pizza and played Taboo. We didn't leave until 12:30am. We are so happy that we went even though we ended up tired.

Saturday

• We got up a little bit earlier on this day. We wanted to go down and see some Hollywood landmarks and hot spots. We took the long way though so we could drive down Mulholland Dr. to see Beverly Hills. It was cool and there are some ridiculous houses on those hills.
  
• Then we hit Hollywood Blvd. We really wanted to see Mann's Chinese Theatre. It's really cool, but not something to spend hours looking at. We did check out all the handprints and stuff. My favorite was the Harry Potter one.

• After that we walked up and down the street seeing what we could see and having lunch. We saw the Kodak theatre and Ripley's Believe It or Not! We got pretty tired though and went back to the car so that we could go see the Hollywood sign. We found a super cool look out and Zach took some good pictures of us. I'm glad we have this picture.
• After this we had them drive by Disney studios and the WB building that Eric interns at. That was cool for them to see how massive it all was.
• Once we got home Eric and I had to rush to the store to buy groceries for the chili cook-off for our ward Trunk or Treat. I didn't win. I think it was too salty, but Eric liked it. Anyway, we got back and quickly made that so we could hurry off to the Trunk or Treat.
• The activity was so much fun. Zach and Megan dressed their little girl like a lady bug. She was totally adorable. She loved our friend's dog. Megan also got excited when Bart Johnson who plays the dad in the HSM movies showed up. (He's in our ward.) She got her picture taken with him. It was super cool.
  
• Finally we came home and watched Toy Story and headed to bed.
  

Alright, so that's about it for our busy California weekend. There was never a dull moment and we are exhausted from it. We loved having them here and all that they did for us. It was nice to get out and enjoy what this great metropolis has to offer us. Anyway, we're ready for a new week to start tomorrow. I'll let you know about any other adventures that we have.

"The Valley"

So, I just wanted to write a little something about where we live and how cool it is. We live in the San Fernando Valley. This is "the valley". You know, the one that Cher mentions in Clueless when she gets stuck at that gas station after the party? Yeah, that's where we live. Although, don't let this picture fool you. It's a very large valley. We live just over the hill from Los Angeles. We can actually just drive up the hill to get to Beverly Hills. We can be to Santa Monica in about 30 minutes or Hollywood in 15-20 minutes.

It's really cool living here because it feels somewhat secluded from the chaos of LA, but we're still so close. I also love that after living here for a month I'm really starting to know where I'm going. I can take back roads and still make it home okay. Sometimes I like it when we take the wrong road or go a different way because then we get a little bit more familiar with the area. It's a huge area. Let me show you another picture. This is a vista of the San Fernando Valley, but it only shows part of the valley. We live to the east of here. It's so massive, but it feels much smaller when you're living in it.

I just wanted to let you all know about how cool it is to be living out here. We're excited for our lives here. We hope can all come visit and enjoy everything we get to enjoy as well.

Arrogance and my First Bar

Okay, so I wanted to apologize for my slightly arrogant post yesterday. I hope no one read it and thought I was super arrogant for my belief in being able to help people. By no means do I believe I'm the only person who can help others or that I'm superior at it. I just love people; it's a strange hobby, but it's the one I got. Anyway, my greatest apologies for anyone I might have offended.

Now, about the bar. I went to one in downtown Hollywood last night. How weird is that? It was a get together for one of Eric's internships. It took us forever to find parking. Then, once we get there it was so loud and crowded. (Fortunately, you can't smoke indoors in California so we could at least breath in there.) We weren't quite sure who everyone was even. We talked with some people and met a few more. We probably stayed for about 30-45 minutes. Then, we just felt weird not drinking and standing around. So, we said our good-byes and left. Finally, we found our way out of town and headed home. We wanted to try PinkBerry, but we couldn't find one near us. On our way home though, Eric quickly exited the freeway and I was confused until I saw In-N-Out. Then, I knew he wanted a neopolitan shake (it's on the secret menu). He ordered two and we had a delicious ride home. Overall, it was a fun night with some new experiences.

Being Needed

So, last night I was thinking a lot about working and what not. I was thinking because I had two interviews today. (They went really well, but we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted.) I realized last night that one of the things I need and have been missing is interaction with other people. I've stayed home alone all day, everyday this week. It just gets so lonely sometimes, especially for me. I don't just want interaction, I need interaction.

In a further pondering, spiritual moment I had last night I realized further that I need to help people. I can't just talk about the weather with them. I need to know about their lives, what problems they're having and how I can help them. I don't know why I, out of all the people that have and will ever exist, was given the ability to talk to people and understand them to the point of being able to make a difference. However, not knowing why this is my gift does not absolve me from the responsibility and the blessing. I want to help others and bless their lives. I'm greatly satisfied knowing that I have helped someone. I'm probably more satisfied (and thus arrogant) than I should be.

In realizing this I know that I need a job soon to fulfill this need I have to interact with lots of different people, but also to help them. I may not be able to help people as much in my work, but I know there are other ways. I could get involved with community service or non-profit groups. Even easier would be to get involved at church and meet more people and fill the gap where I am needed. I just know in my heart that I am needed somewhere for someone and it's driving me crazy not knowing where to go next.

To be employed or not to be

So, we've been in our apartment for about 2.5 weeks now. It's nice and it's starting to get cozier. The day after we moved in I started a job working in an accounting office. I was helping them reorganize everything (and I do mean everything). I've never sweated so much in heels before. After about a week of doing all sorts of filing and organizing they had me start to learn some actual office type work that they do there. It was getting better and I was liking it more. Oh, important thing to note is that this job was supposed to be temp-to-hire. I was working hard and doing really well compared to other people they'd had in there. I figured I was for sure going to get hired on in a few weeks. However, that's not how it happened. They decided they needed an actual accountant in there to help run the business. (Who would have guessed that an accounting office needed an accountant?) So, they hired someone else and let me go. It's not like I was fired because I was never officially hired, but it still wasn't good news.

The funny thing about it all was that I never felt like it was the job for me. It was just a means to a financial end. Eric and I have an apartment and bills that need to be paid. Fortunately, those 7 days worth of work are going to pay our bills for this month. Rent will come out of savings, but we're lucky to have that. It's only been a week without a job, but it feels like forever. Eric is looking for weekend work too. I'm just trying to not feel desperate.

I have to keep reminding myself that after I was told that I wouldn't be working for that company anymore I had a few moments of complete despair and fear about our finances. But quickly after that I felt reassured and confident that things would work out. The further it gets from that feeling the harder it is to remember it, but I know that somehow it is all going to work out. The right job is out there for me, but it may take some time to find it. I'm just trying to have faith and take those steps that will lead me in the right direction for employment. Who knows where it will be? I sure don't.

Sacrifice

So, I kind of realized at the temple yesterday that we need to wait on an apartment as a sacrifice. (I kind of simplified this for the sake of not explaining it all, so just go with me on this.) I'm not sure what we're sacrificing for, but I know there is a reason. The definition of sacrifice is to give up one thing for something better. The thing we give up is usually something we really want or even need. Eric and I really want and even need a place to live. However, we feel strongly that we should just wait and sacrifice what we want now for something better to come along.

The good news is that something good might be coming along sooner than we originally thought. Eric met a guy at church today that manages an apartment complex and he happens to have an apartment available to rent in the right price range for us. The guy also has a fridge that he's trying to get rid of that we could probably have. It's also in our friends' ward and stuff. Overall, it sounds like a good deal. We'll go check it out tomorrow and see if we like it and stuff. Maybe this is the answer, maybe it's not. I'm just trying to have patience and not give in as soon as we think we've found a place. I'll keep you all updated.

Homeless!

So, currently we are feeling quite homeless. We are staying with my grandparents, but they're about 1.5-2 hours out of the area we want to live and work. So, when we're in that area we feel homeless. The trouble is, we aren't finding what we want or need. As we've been praying about what we need to do we get the strong impression we need to wait. Do you know how frustrating that is? We just want to start our lives down there, but we can't quite yet. Right now I'm working on faith and patience until it is the right time for us to get a place. We don't know when it will all turn around, but we know it will. Life is crazy and out of our control. The best we can do is follow the Spirit and have faith it will all work out accordinly.

Los Angeles and Apartments

So, we've spent quite a lot of time down in the L.A. area lately. It'll be so nice once we actually live there and don't have to commute or impose on our friends' places anymore. It's been strange though, we've looked at several decent, acceptable places, but for some reason we don't feel anything towards them. As Eric and I were out looking at places yesterday we were talking about this feeling of "stupor" about the whole thing. We just felt like it wasn't the right time for us to find a place. We don't know why it is the way it is, but we have that it'll work out.

In the mean time I've been applying for different jobs. I'm actually applying for apartment manager jobs so that we can have a free place to live, but we'll see if any of those pan out. I've applied for a few other jobs as well working in different offices. The right job will come along, but we'll see if I ever get an interview. Eric is doing really well with his career goals. He's had a couple of meetings and interviews. He was actually an "executive visitor" on the Warner Bros. lot yesterday. He has more interviews scheduled for next week as well. If only they weren't all internships and he could get paid. Life is scary here without money. It's already going so fast!

Alright, that's about it for now. I'll do my best to keep you all posted. Thanks for all of our prayers and support. We can use it all right now.

Gas and Los Angeles

Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. Eric and I have been working on a film this month. Well, we were only on set for like 2.5 weeks, but then we had to recover. It's a film about scout camp and it was super fun. There were 7 main boys and I just fell in love with all of them. I hope that all their careers will take off. I'm excited to see them succeed in life; once they graduate high school that is.

Anyway, we have much bigger news right now. We are finally moving to the Los Angeles area. We'll look into Burbank any some other near-by cities. We're so excited and a little bit scared. We're going to stay with my grandparents (they live about 1.5 - 2 hours away from L.A.) and visit family at first, then we'll look into places to live and work. We want a bit of vacation before we have to do loads of work and never get a day off again. We might even go to Disneyland. We're very excited! Oh yeah, we're leaving in 4 days too. I can't believe how soon it is. Eric has an interview in about 2 weeks. He will hopefully have a job very soon.

In other, funnier news: gas was spilled in the back of our van. Well, it wasn't a ton, just a slow leak that made our car reek. We spent a lot of yesterday scrubbing the carpet and sucking it up with a carpet vacuum. It's smelling tons better already. We were able to leave the windows down last night so hopefully it's aired out now. I haven't been out there yet today, but I'll let you know how it goes. It made for a really awful weekend. Everything just reeked of gas and I didn't like it at all. So, don't ever spill gas on any carpet you care about keeping around. It's no fun to clean up.

Love

On Sunday, during Sunday School, a nice man made a comment about the different types of knowledge. One of the types of knowledge is the kind where only on person can know it. For example, he said that the love a person has for their spouse is something only the lover can know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I agree with what he said.

I often think that Eric loves me more than I love him, but who knows. We can't compare the love we have because we can't know the love someone else has. Sometimes I question my love for him, but I know that I do love him and I love being loved by him. I suppose that since I can't know how he feels about me and how he loves me; I can only know how his actions and words make me feel. I feel loved and cared about.

Love is a tricky thing. We can't always know or understand the love people have for us. So often, this leads us to believe that we aren't loved as much as we truly are. We are all lovable and should trust that there are people out there who love us.

Clowns and Faces

Tonight Eric and I saw The Dark Knight with some friends. Well, I only saw about 75% of it, the rest of the time my hand was in front of my face. I think that I heard about it being so intense and violent that I was really freaked out going into it. However, I'm clearly desensitized because it wasn't nearly as violent (or as gory) as I expected.

Any slight fear of clowns I had before has been solidified by this film though. I didn't like the idea of someone having a fake smile painted on their face, but it's worse now. Not only do I not know what is going on behind the painted smile I will imagine that the person is demented and evil. I especially hate masks because you really have no clue what is going on behind the mask and that just freaks me out. I have no way to read the person and know how to behave appropriately. I don't know if they're evil and I should run away or if they're a victim in need of help. It's truly a vulnerable situation to be face to face with someone in a mask. Clearly, this movie did nothing to relieve my fears of these things. This movie will be with me forever, just as Little Monsters has made me afraid of getting out of bed.

Last, but not least, is the issue of my last post. Aaron Eckhart is still incredibly attractive, but by the end of this film half his face was missing. (I hope I didn't spoil anything for anyone.) He doesn't look good with only half his real face and half a creepy skeleton like face. That was what kept me from the last 25% of the film. I was trying to avoid his creepy side. It's too bad we had to see such a good looking man like that. On the issue of Christian Bale I still stand by what I said. Sure, he's attractive, but his face is too round. I need more structure and strength in the face. I don't like it when the face narrows at the chin. I need a strong jaw. So, essentially I will choose the man with half a face to the man who has half his face covered. Hmm...

Christian Bale and Square Jaws

So, it has been made clear to me this week that I am horribly abnormal. I discovered this as I realized that I don't find Christian Bale to be ridiculously sexy like every other woman in the world does. Sure, he's attractive, but he doesn't really do much more than that for me.

When it comes to men in the Batman movie, "The Dark Knight" I think that Aaron Eckhart is much sexier. Sure, I have some issues with things in his life, but he is still sexy. I just love his square jaw! It's just so strong and defined.

If we're comparing super heroes in sexiness I think that Robert Downey Jr. in "Iron Man" is way sexier too. He also has a nice jaw, especially with some facial hair. (Maybe I have a jaw thing? Hmm...)

My husband also has somewhat of a square jaw. It only makes sense since he is the sexiest man in my life. So, maybe I'm not horribly abnormal, I just like a different man that doesn't have a round jaw. Oh well, they can have him!

Life is Hard

I'm currently helping (a great deal) to plan a party with Eric that he might not even be able to participate in. The party is actually for the premiere of his and the four other short films that he and his peers have been working on for nearly a year. It's going to be a really cool event... if things work out. We're not quite sure if his film is going to be done. They have found so many problems that other people have left them. It's been really frustrating, but it can be done. I firmly believe that if they work hard enough the film will come out the way they want in time.

I don't really know what else to say, but it's frustrating. Please, if you feel so inclined pray for this to work out. We need miracles right now!

Married Life vs. Singlehood

I've been talking to several of my single friends about the ups and downs of being single. I do miss the excitement of first dates, first kisses, first everything really. There are times being married that you just want to scream because nothing seems to be working quite right between the two of you. Yesterday, my friend was telling me that she had a date that night with a guy she was really into. I could tell she was excited and had that butterfly feeling. I was a little jealous to be honest.

So, in my jealousy I told my husband that we should just go on a nice date like we used to when we were single. It's weird though. We don't really need to plan to date because we're with each other most of the day and we go on "dates" regularly. Anyway, he saw one of the emails between my friend and I and realized that was the reason for me wanting to go on a date. He knew I was just being silly and jealous of that time in my life. He hugged me and said that we're at different places in our lives than they are.

After some events yesterday evening and then a horrible dream last night I knew that I wouldn't want to be single again. There is a comfort and security that you find only in marriage. I have the perfect man for me and I couldn't be happier. If I'm ever unhappy in my marriage it is because of my own selfishness and not because of some flaw in our relationship.

Writer's Blog

I have been having difficulty knowing what new things to write about. I was going to write something last night but it was kind of controversial of a topic and it wasn't going where I thought it would go. I'm just not sure what to do.

I suppose I could write about my life, but right now it's not too interesting or anything. I almost don't want to write about it because then I would have to relive it in all of its frustrations. Maybe soon enough I will have the patience with my life to tell you all the frustrations, difficulties and excitements that are going on. For now, you'll just have to wait and see. Ask if you want to know something specific. That could motivate me to write!

Internet

So, I haven't posted in awhile and that's because we don't have internet at our new residence. However, it should be up and running by the time I get home from work tomorrow. At that time I will update people on what is going on with our lives. Also, I will respond to the many emails I have received lately. Thanks for continuing to read this!

I am loved!

So often I forget how much people really do love me. I usually feel that I just exist in other people's lives and have no impact. I'm the person who thinks that no one will remember me even though I remember them. I'm starting to learn that's not so true. It's not that I think I'm too wonderful/awesome/weird/interesting to forget or care about. I'm just realizing that I really do have something to offer people even if I don't always know it.

I have my personal doubts and worries about whether I'm a good person, wife, co-worker, etc. I know that I'm not perfect, but who is? I am always trying to be a better person who loves others. Knowing that others love me in return is a fantastic feeling. It's hard for me to comprehend because I don't always believe it's possible, but I'm starting to grasp the concept.

This post is really to say thank you to everyone in my life (literally, everyone) who has been kind, honest, generous, friendly, patient, and loving to me. I feel your love and it makes a world of difference to a girl who hasn't always believed she could be loved.

Strawberry

You may think I'm going to post about one of the most delicious fruits in the world, but I'm not. I'm writing about my hair right now. My friend and I decided to highlight my hair last night. When we went to the store to buy the color we decided that it could be fun to just do the whole thing. It was supposed to be this nice pretty medium blonde color. (My real hair color is a dark blonde, not quite brown color.) I knew my hair would pick out the reds in any color that is put on it. It has just always done that. Well, this turned my hair into a very strawberry blonde color. I like it, but man it's a huge change from where it was before. I haven't colored or done anything to my hair in nearly 3 years so I'm not used to it. I will say that I've learned a couple of things from this.

1. Be careful about how much red the color may naturally have because my hair will soak it up.
2. When I just want highlights, stick to that plan!
3. Life is fun! Just enjoy what happens!

In-Laws and Movie Making

So, we have a new plan for now. We're moving in with Eric's parents next weekend. We'll be living in their basement and have mostly our own space, but we'll share a kitchen somewhat. It's good that I like them and hopefully that will continue. We're only planning to stay there for the rest of this month, July and August. The hope is that Eric will have an internship to go to in the fall and we'll move at that point. We just want to save money right now if that opportunity presents itself.

Also, Eric is planning to make a movie in August. He's working on getting the funding right now and as long as that goes well we'll be good. The next couple of months are going to be very interesting, but we're happy with where things are. We're just trying to let ourselves be available to the right direction and opportunities that present themselves.

Thanks to everyone for your support!

Interview

On Thursday afternoon Eric finally had a phone interview. It went well, which is great. From what I understand the interviewer is part of a group that wants to get more LDS filmmakers into the film industry. At the end of the interview he told Eric to research at least 10 different companies, what they do and what Eric would like to do for them. Eric is about done with that and will email it to him, hopefully by tonight. Then, this guy will talk to the people he knows in the business and see if he can't find Eric an internship or something of that nature at one of the companies on his list. He said it might be easier to get something in the fall since all the summer interns will have gone home, but we'll see.

Life is exciting right now, but we're still not sure what is going to happen. At least it seems to be moving in the right direction.

Limbo

We are officially in limbo. We don't know if we're going to stay in the Utah Valley area or move to the LA area. Both have their pros and cons. Some things I want to do more than others. Life is just hard sometimes. I want to go to LA so bad right now, but I don't know if that is the right thing for us to do. I like the comfort of staying in Utah Valley because I know it quite well, but I'm not sure if that is wise for us to do either. Why does life have to be so hard and confusing? Bleh!

Moved Out!

So, we were up until 2am cleaning our apartment last night. We had to be done by 8am today, which is the only reason we stayed up so late doing it. I hope that we past our inspection. It's hard to clean a whole apartment, but we did it! I'm actually sore from scrubbing and wiping. It's pretty intense.

I suppose that now we're technically homeless. We have a temporary place to stay for a few weeks, so we better know what we're doing by then. Cross your fingers!

It was really sad to leave our home last night for the last time. It's the only place that Eric and I have lived since we've been married. Just 2.5 months short of 3 years. I didn't think I'd cry, but the tears came. I'm going to miss the place, but mostly the people and sense of community there. We loved our ward and we're excited to go back next week since we won't have a ward of our own for now. The people in our ward we're friends and it just made me comfortable to be around them. No other place that we live will be that kind of community, but that's okay. It is a place Eric and I will always remember very fondly.

Now, it's time to move upward and onward. Our next home will be different, but it will be ours together. We'll meet new people and make new friends. Wherever we go next will be another life adventure for us.

Screening

Eric is screening one of the films he's been working on this weekend. The film is titled, Dirt, and it's only about 15 minutes long. Everyone is invited to come. It will be at 7:15 both Friday and Saturday (May 30th & 31st). Both screenings will be in F201 of the HFAC. We'd love everyone to come and it's going to be so good. It's not finished yet, but with comments from the audience it will be so much better by the next cut. So, come and help us make the best movie ever!

Cleaning!

So, we're pretty much all moved out. We have junk to throw away and donate, but other than that our apartment is empty. Well, we do still have our van seats in there, but tomorrow that will all change. The only thing left for us to do at our apartment is clean. We did some (with the lovely help of my mother-in-law) tonight and the rest is tomorrow. I will do the bathroom while Eric works on the kitchen. It's going to be so much fun, or at least I keep telling myself that. I love cleaning for other people... except not really. It would be more fun if more people were there, but for now it's just Eric and I most of the day. Wish us luck!

Still moving!

Does anyone want to help me pack? I'm overwhelmed by how much we need to do, but it needs to get done. Please don't feel obligated, but if you have nothing else to do feel free to come over this coming week. Thanks!

Moving

So, Eric and I are preparing to move out by the end of this month. It's unbelievable how much stuff we have to pack. You'd think you'd just have twice as much as before being married, but no, it multiplied by like 5... no wait...10. There is just so much stuff and I don't even know where to put it all. We certainly don't have enough boxes and life is just going fast. I should probably be packing right now, but I'm not. I guess I'll have to kick it into high gear tomorrow and really get a move on things. Moving is hard and I have to admit that I really don't ever want to do it again, but I'll have to. I guess it's just one of those hard parts of life. Okay, it's not that hard, I just get lonely and bored while I'm doing stuff.

Oh, there is still uncertainty about where we'll be going. We both really want to move to L.A., but we don't really think it's a good idea without a job or some sort of opportunity. I suppose that we'll find out soon enough what we're going to be doing or what the right step is to take. Who knows though? Life is tricky, just like packing!

Sunburn and a Talk

So, I got a pretty nasty sunburn on my chest yesterday. It actually just looks a lot worse than it really is. We had a yard sale at my in-laws' house and I tried to stay in the shade mostly, but sometimes I had to go out there. So, it's pretty red, but even today it looks a lot better than last night. Anyway, this is the reason that getting more sun doesn't help me get tanner. I just get red, my skin peels off and then I'm pasty white again. So, there is no real reason to risk skin cancer to just try for a little tan that will never happen.

In other news, I gave a talk at church today. It was about unity in marriage. People say I did a good job and I hope that I did. Maybe it will help others be more honest with their in-laws about what is and is not acceptable behavior. It's not so much about doing away with family as it is about putting your marriage first, above all other relationships and people. I have it written out on my computer if anyone wants to read it. Just let me know and I'll make it available to you.

Love to you all!

Mother's Day

This is kind of a weird day for me. I'm obligated to call my mother even if I just spoke with her yesterday. The forced phone call tends to leave me with very little to say actually. It just makes everything awkward and forced. I love my mother and spend plenty of time talking to her, but I hate that I'm forced to do it on this day. Okay, it's not that bad. I enjoy treating her nicely and sharing my affections for her, I just don't like the feeling of being obligated.

On the other side of this day is the reminder that I am not yet a mother. I so desire to be a mother; it's been my life long goal. However, it hasn't been in the cards for us yet. It is a blessing though that we haven't had a baby yet. I'm not sure that we could handle all the costs and stresses associated with a baby. We have all the love in the world to give to our children, but children need more than that.

I suppose, this day just brings up a lot of conflicting thoughts and emotions for me. In situations like this I tend to shut it all out. Maybe that is why Mother's Day is a weird day for me. I don't know.

One final thought to all the mothers out there: Love and treasure your children, give them a reason to celebrate you on Mother's Day!

The Last Two Weeks

Holy Cow! Life has moved so fast in the last two weeks. We are nearly done filming Diantha's Crossing and it has been an incredible experience. I have had some really rough and tough days, but there has mostly been good times. Finally, I learned by the end that I can't waste my time being annoyed with people especially when they're willing to help me. I'm not perfect and I do need lots of help, all the time. I'm grateful to everyone who helped me out each and every day.

This has been a great experience and I'm not sure I would mind if I did this for the rest of my life. I really do enjoy it! There may be possibilities of future work that have come from this and that would be so cool. It feels so great to know that people are impressed with the work that I do. The best part about how well I did was that I was under budget. There are some things I could have done better and would do differently if I could go back. However, it was great overall. No one starved and there was always food available.

Maybe, even I will have a career in the film industry. I never thought that would be possible, but it just might be. I wouldn't work for a studio or big budget films, but small and independent films. Maybe nothing will come from this and that would be fine with me too. Life is just sweet!

Reflection

First, I'm sorry that my past two blogs have been completely devoted to my personality. It can't possibly be the most interesting thing to read about.

Second, I'm really glad that I've written about it. I've received some really good and interesting responses to the "issues" with my personality. I really did want to hear what people had to say, of course, a little bit of that desire was to get confirmation that I was perfect and there was no problem with how I behave. Even though, I didn't get what I wanted, I got what I needed. There was a discussion about personality and learning to accept yourself. Even just in the past two weeks I've begun to accept myself in a way that I never could have before. This in no way means that I'm perfect and don't need to polish who I am. I will always learn to better myself and the way I treat others, but it must be in the context of who I am, not who other people think I should be. It's liberating to know that I don't have to change and that people will love me for who I am.

Third, I love everyone who had something to say. I'm sorry for getting defensive and/or upset at times. That's just part of me learning that not everything is a personal attack on me. I've felt that I wasn't likable for so long that I just assume that everything is a personal attack even when it rarely is. That's something I'm learning again and again as I come to accept that who I am is wonderful and beautiful.

My Personality

So, in the last week some things have come to my attention. First of all, for the past week I have been on a film set each day. I am in charge of craft services and catering. It's super fun, but I'm with a lot of different (and same) people every day. I love the rush I get from it. It's one of the best jobs (not that it pays) I've ever had. However, being with all those people has made me realize some things.

First, people find it hilarious and refreshing when I'm honest and just say what I'm thinking. They enjoy it because none of them would think to say what we're all thinking, but I just say it. The truth is, I don't realize that other people wouldn't say it, I just do. It's fun for me when people laugh at the things I say. I'm really quite clever and funny at times.

Second, people don't like my honesty and directness when it's not pleasant. As soon as I'm upset or disappointed in them, my honesty is too much to handle. It becomes this thing about me that is a flaw and needs to be changed. I even had a psychologist (who I didn't like or even want to see) try to change it about me. He made it seem like there was a flaw in my character. That is incredibly hurtful that people are so offended by it and feel the need to change who I am.

Third, like life, this double-standard isn't fair. It's fine for me to be who I am when I'm happy and relaxed, but it's a problem once I'm upset or irritated. I'm just not sure that people are ever going to like me for who I am or what I do all the time. I'm not sure if that is even much different from everyone else. I'm learning to love who I am and it would be nice if others could too. All it takes is getting to know the real me. Really, I am kind and loving. I just love people and want to do what I can to make their lives a little better.

Telling It Like It Is

I often worry that I'm offending everyone with my inability to censor what comes out of my mouth. Sometimes it is completely involuntary (literally some of the things I say surprise me because I didn't know I was going to say them) and other times I just say it because I mean it. I don't consider myself a mean person, but I know what I want and need, so I'll do what is necessary to get it. Basically, I am just honest; I say what I think and feel at all times.

This character trait/flaw/quirk has caused me great anguish over the years. It's hard for me because so many people don't like me because of it or they think that I'm mean. My heart is pure though and I really do have so much love for others. People have often seen the harsh side of who I am, rather than getting to know the loving person that I can be. In high school I even tried to change who I was so that I could fit in better with my own friends. That lasted only a couple weeks before I just got too exhausted and didn't like who I was. No matter how much I've tried to be "better" or change this "flaw" it won't go away. It is who I am at the core. I don't intend to hurt others, but it happens and I'm very good at apologizing now.

Although, one thing about being older now is that I don't have to apologize for who I am. I have found this ability to be beneficial and stress-reducing. I don't need to lie to people to make them happy. People know what to expect from me. I am honest with people when I'm upset about something. I don't hold grudges because I deal with problems promptly.

I have found that a lot of people go through life suffering from poor relationships because they can't just be honest with those in their lives. They choose to be fake and "never" angry with other people. As harsh as it may seem to just be honest at all times, it really can bless your life by empowering you to make the changes necessary in your relationships.

What do you think?

What's going on?

First, thank you to everyone who wrote me encouraging notes after my last post. It made me feel really good. Now, onto, "What is going on in my life?"

Well, that is a tricky question. For right now, it's pretty much the usual. I'm working part time while Eric finishes up his classes for this semester. It's hectic, but normal. However, May is going to be a whole new bucket of fun. The first two and a half weeks Eric is producing a movie that will be in production. So, he'll be on set everyday and I have the pleasure of being there with him. I'll be there because I am now in charge of all the food on set. I will still be working my regular job (9am-2pm Monday-Thursday) and then heading to set to keep things running smoothly. I will have assistants who can be there to make sure things are set out and looking pretty. However, I have to do all sorts of stuff ahead of time. I will be buying groceries for craft services (snacks, fruit, veggies, drinks, etc.) and ordering all the meals. It will be fun, but incredibly chaotic.

After that is done, life could just get a little bit crazier. We'll be packing up to move out of our apartment. Our last day here is May 31st. So, we'll have about 2 weeks to pack everything and clean like crazy. That should be enough time, but I've never packed a whole apartment by myself and I don't think that Eric has either. It's going to be a whole lot of fun and we'll see how it all goes. At this point though, you're probably asking, "So, where are they moving?" That is a "premium" question, as Alex in Everything is Illuminated would say. The truth is, we have no idea where we're moving. A lot of it depends on where Eric gets work. It's possible we could be in Los Angeles, CA in June or we might just move somewhere nearby. We're hoping to know by the middle of May, but anything is possible.

There are so many possibilities and Eric has so much potential that there are a million different paths that we could go down. We just don't know which one it is yet. It makes me nervous a lot, but at the same time I have faith that it will work out. Being married to a filmmaker has definitely increased my patience and my faith. The Lord has always blessed us and not forgotten us. Times may be difficult in the future, but never impossible.

Making Friends

I've discovered recently that I'm not very good (in fact, I'm horrible) at making friends. I don't think I was always bad at it. I used to consider myself a people person and I could make lots of friends. Now though, I don't really have many friends, definitely not anyone near by that I would feel comfortable just calling or stopping by to chat with. Since we're moving in a couple months I'm not sure if it's worth trying to improve relationships here or if I should just wait and try harder once we move. Well, let's get to the root of things first.

It seems that things really started to change about the time that I got married. I have some theories as to why these things would change.
1. My environment changed to being around all married. I especially have a hard time making friends with people who have children. I'm always worried that I will call at an inconvenient time or that I have nothing to say since my life experience is so limited to theirs.
2. I don't see people nearly as much now because I'm not in school anymore and I spend a lot of time in my own apartment, unlike when I was single. When I was single I would just go over to another apartment and hang out. I didn't always need a reason to stop-by, but I feel like I do now.
3. I've become very insecure lately. I'm afraid I'm going to offend people all the time. I tend to speak without thinking. People will tell me to just think before I speak, but I promise that I can be just as surprised by what I say as anyone else is. Words have literally come out of my mouth that I never even thought about. It just makes me feel wholly inadequate to be around people in a social situation. This feeling of inadequacy makes me nervous too, so that only increases the chances for verbal diarrhea.
4. I'm afraid to call someone a friend. I always feel like I'm going to announce a new step in our relationship that the other person wasn't expecting. As though I've just proposed eternal friendship to them or something. I'm not sure at what point it's okay to call someone a friend, and not just treat them like an acquaintance.

So, now I'm asking for help in any of these areas or guidance on how to make friends now. If you have any similar experiences or words of encouragement I would appreciate it. I'm trying to find a way to make friends and deal with my issues. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Chaos!

Good riddance to March! This has been a completely nutty month. So many film sets and late nights. There were some good moments too, but overall just complete March Madness, but not of the basketball sort.

It is nice to have these times occasionally so that it can give us perspective about the rest of our lives. I definitely appreciate a little boredom now. I don't mind not knowing what to do for 30 minutes; it's far nicer than trying to find 30 extra minutes to get things done. I know this will happen again in a few months when my husband does another film. It's the way our life goes. Actually, he is producing another film that will be in production the first 2.5 weeks in May. So, there it goes. Another crazy month to come. I'm going to enjoy April and just try to take it easy!

Film Crew

Alright, so, I'm a little sad after this weekend. This past weekend I was helping my husband out on a film shoot for a student film that he is producing. I was in charge of all the food on set and making sure that people stayed full and happy. Also, I bought a lot of caffeinated sodas to keep them awake when we were up until 4am. I helped out the prior weekend too. Anyway, I really grew to love and appreciate the people I was with. They are hilarious and entertaining, especially after midnight. When you're with people for at least 14 hours a day for several days you really start to enjoy their company. They also celebrated my birthday with me on Friday. I made 48 cupcakes and we ate them with our pizza for dinner. They sang happy birthday to me. I really felt like part of the group and that I added something to the quality of the overall production. I'm truly going to miss them all. I'm excited for a few pick-up days and a wrap party to at least see them all again.
The saddest part for me was realizing today that they all get to see each other all the time at school, but I go off to my regular job. I like the friends and acquaintances I made, but I won't see them too often now. That is something tough about the film business; you get a short-time with everyone that you fall in love with as friends and then when it's over you split off and go back to doing your own things. I went through this last year when Eric directed a play. I still miss some of those people, but I don't think about it nearly as much.
The best part of all this is though is that I constantly get to meet new people and make new friends. I really love meeting new people and learning from them. It's so exciting and when they're famous I'll get to tell people that I knew them way back when. It's good stuff and I can't complain about the opportunity to experience what I did.

First Blog

I have just decided that I want to start a blog. I did one for a few weeks when I was a freshman in college, but it's time for a new one. I hope this is interesting to anyone who reads it. I'll write a little about my life first. I've been married for about 2.5 years now. My husband is still a student at BYU. He is studying film and will graduate this summer. We're very excited for all the potential of our future. We are hoping to move to Los Angeles in the next couple of years if not sooner. Eric wants to be a film producer and I know that he'll do it. He is incredibly talented and ambitious. My ambition is to be a good wife and eventually a good mother. We really want children, but when that happens is not in our control.

I'm just so in love with my life right now. Things are going really well, even though there is a lot of unknown in the next several months. I have a good job working at a technology company (I work in accounting). We're also constantly blessed by our loving Heavenly Father. There are little miracles everyday in our lives. We both feel that this is going to be a great year for us. So much to look forward to, so I will keep you all posted on it.

One last thing, I named this blog "Film Widow" because that is what my mother-in-law calls me when Eric is on long film shoots.