So, in the last week some things have come to my attention. First of all, for the past week I have been on a film set each day. I am in charge of craft services and catering. It's super fun, but I'm with a lot of different (and same) people every day. I love the rush I get from it. It's one of the best jobs (not that it pays) I've ever had. However, being with all those people has made me realize some things.
First, people find it hilarious and refreshing when I'm honest and just say what I'm thinking. They enjoy it because none of them would think to say what we're all thinking, but I just say it. The truth is, I don't realize that other people wouldn't say it, I just do. It's fun for me when people laugh at the things I say. I'm really quite clever and funny at times.
Second, people don't like my honesty and directness when it's not pleasant. As soon as I'm upset or disappointed in them, my honesty is too much to handle. It becomes this thing about me that is a flaw and needs to be changed. I even had a psychologist (who I didn't like or even want to see) try to change it about me. He made it seem like there was a flaw in my character. That is incredibly hurtful that people are so offended by it and feel the need to change who I am.
Third, like life, this double-standard isn't fair. It's fine for me to be who I am when I'm happy and relaxed, but it's a problem once I'm upset or irritated. I'm just not sure that people are ever going to like me for who I am or what I do all the time. I'm not sure if that is even much different from everyone else. I'm learning to love who I am and it would be nice if others could too. All it takes is getting to know the real me. Really, I am kind and loving. I just love people and want to do what I can to make their lives a little better.
Suicide
13 years ago
2 comments:
Tiffany, I too have had the same personality trait for many years-- it comes from my family. We just say things directly, exactly how we feel, and no one gets offended from hearing the truth. Its a very funny, realistic world to live in.
However, you and I live in worlds where people can't handle the truth. Sometimes they think its funny, but many times, they'll politely smile and then go run off to the bushes to cry themselves a little pool of their own pathetic tears because they were hurt by the truth.
So, this is what I've been doing-- with the people whom I interact with on a regular basis, I make it point to emphasize that they can always say exactly what they feel around me, and that I will never be angry or upset at them for telling the truth. I thank them for being honest-- I tell them I appreciate it. By communicating that you appreciate their openness and honesty, you establish a relationship where they understand its ok for you to be honest as well-- and if they don't like something about that honesty, they can come to you and say hey, um, I don't like that.
But that works really well with people that you have real relationships with-- the kind of people you see on a regular basis. With film sets, there will always be some strange sensitive soul who isn't in the loop about how you operate. There might be many. In which case, I've found I can do three things:
1) shut-up. If I can't say something nice (or refrain from making some "hurtful" observation about the truth) to the stranger, then I wait until I am alone in my car, and come up with the most blindingly funny jabs ever uttered by humanity. Occasionally I have a passenger to entertain. That makes it nice.
2) Maintain the mindset "Screw 'em all" You say what you mean, and if it hurts their feelings, not because it was mean or spiteful but because it was the truth, well then tough break. Welcome to life, the truth sometimes hurts. Have a freakin cookie. Besides, people don't have to like you or what you say. It is their choice to like you or not, and if they don't, who the hell cares? You're not any different-- you're still as fabulous as ever.
3)Try putting yourself in their shoes. I know, this is weirdly compassionate, and frankly I forget this option all the time, but its probably the one I should use the most. There have been days when I have been on film sets, where I could have slapped someone silly for making the stupid comments about wardrobe like, "Wouldn't it be awesome if X Character was wearing this? I really feel like X Character should have X accessory or be wearing X color."
And I think to myself, really? If you're so damned opinionated about the wardrobe, why don't you do it? I've slaved over this, not slept, haven't bathed, and you inconsiderate person, haven't even bothered to thank me for the job I've been doing so well, but you just want to come and change it. And you're not even my boss!
So, any job on set can be really frustrating. And I'd admit, there are days when I wouldn't even want myself around telling the truth because it would just piss me off. So, not that I'm so good at it, but putting yourself in others shoes is a dignified idea.
There's my two cents on your personality.
And for the record Tiffany, you do the most awesome craft services EVER. Everyone is happy when you are around because you are keeper of the great food. I've had several people tell me, off set, on random occasions that they think you are one of the most funny persons alive and that they love you for it. They love that aspect of your personality so much, in one persons case, they wished they could find themselves "a wife with a personality like hers." (he's not married. that would be awful of them to say if they were married...)
In short, you rock.
Stop apologizing for it, accept it, embrace it, and love it. Life's a lot easier when you're confident in your own "fabulousity."
(Not an official word, but Kimora Lee Simmons uses it, and I'm pushing for Oxford Dictionary recognition by 2015)
Thank you! Hearing those nice things made for a wonderful day!
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