Love Languages

So, if you know me then you probably know I’m not much of a huggy person. I always feel awkward and clumsy when I give hugs. I love hugging Eric, but that’s because I do that a lot that it’s natural and easy. It’s not that I don’t love you or want to hug you it’s that I feel weird like I’m going to do it wrong. My husbands extended family would not accept that so I’ve learned to hug a lot more and be more open about it. Good thing since most people in LA hug. I’m getting more used to it, but I’m still not so great at it.

As I was thinking the other night I realized that’s just not how I show love for people. I do have a great love for all people. I know with my bold opinions it might not always seem that I’m filled with love, but I assure you that I am. Turns out I like to cook for those I love. If I’ve ever offered to cook you a meal then know that I really love you. Sharing food is very intimate and it means a lot that I bring you into that part of my life. Grocery shopping, preparing and serving food is a show of my love for people. Really, it’s totally true!

What do you think about that?

Relationship Advice

So, a new blog has been started with me as a contributing member. It's an advice blog similar to the one I had talked about starting previously. So, please check it out. http://relationscoach.blogspot.com It's totally anonymous so I can't say which ones I wrote or anything, but you can try and guess, although there is only one posting as of right now. Please feel free to submit your questions and just maybe I'll be able to give you some advice.
Thanks!

Someone else is spending my money!

Okay, so I'm a bit frustrated right now. I'm frustrated with all the excess money the government is spending without thought to the consequences. Well, if they are considering the consequences then they don't care about them. I just wish we could stop the spending instead of increasing it.

Currently my husband and I are working on paying down our debts and being smarter about the money we do have. We are doing lots of research, choosing our moves wisely and making plans for our future. It is not easy, but it must be done. There is no way we could pay down our debt if we simply continued to use our credit cards. Some days I have the urge to use them, but I know that is not what we agreed to; it's not in our financial plan. Yet, our government (the elected officials in power) continue to spend money that doesn't exist as though somehow that will make things better. It can only get worse if we keep increasing our debt. Eventually we will get to a point where we can't even afford to pay off our debts because they are just too excessive.

Why do they keep enacting new programs or prolonging old ones at the expense of the tax payer? Somehow it's okay to raise my taxes for those who are unwilling to work. Why should anyone work when they government is paying them enough not to work. It's completely idiotic. Government run programs are what I like to refer to as "poverty programs". I call them this because people can't get out of them. Often they can't receive assistance if they make over a certain dollar amount. I know t his because there was a time in my life that I was using Social Security Disability. I'm actually ashamed to admit that, but I was disabled at the time. I'm actually not opposed to the idea of disability services because those are so often people who cannot do for themselves. When I graduated college and began to work I could only work part time to maintain my benefits which included medicare (health insurance). But what is worse was the restrictions on how much money I could make or even save to maintain certain benefits. This is why I called it a poverty program. How can we ever expect people to get a leg up when we don't let them save money or invest what they do have?

Now there is the whole issue of extending unemployment benefits. That sounds like a good idea to help prevent more foreclosures and the like, but it doesn't really help people progress. They have an easy time living on what the government will give them. I'd love a 2 year paid vacation, but then I am just a burden on society. It's not cool. There is no financial education to help people get out of these types of situations.

I think what angers me the most is that by enacting and prolonging these types of programs the government is essentially buying votes. They are buying votes with tax payer money. I am a tax payer. They are buying votes with my money! Ugh! I'm just so sick of it!

Mom's Rights

Check out this ridiculous story. A kid is mad that his mom blocked him out of his facebook account after he admitted on his account to breaking the law. He is now suing his mom for harrassment and slander. I'm not sure what the slander is about, but some judge will hear that. Harrassment though; are you kidding me? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! If that's true then every parent is harassing their kid by punishing them. Parents are supposed to protect their kids and that is what she was trying to do.

If the judge even takes the kid seriously we're in for trouble. This kid is dangerous especially to himself. We have parents to help and guide us through life and everything that goes along with it that teens can't understand.

Kids need to stop treating their parents like criminals for acting in their best interest. If we want to make things better in this world then we need to prevent crazy things like this from happening. Please read and discuss!

Milgram Torture Experiment

So, I read today about French TV show that is basically broadcast their own version of the famous Milgram Experiement. Read about it here. If you don't know the experiment, then let me explain from what I remember. He gathered participants and then made them shock another participant if they got something wrong. When the person was shocked they'd wince in pay. The shock intensity continually increased until the person was screaming. The shocker (T)was continually told by an authority figure (E) to go ahead with the shocks even though the other person (L) was in pain. No matter how much the shockee screamed out the person continued as instructed even against their own judgement. Turns out the shockee was an actor and the authority figure was just an assistant in a lab coat. It was a test to see what you could get people to do with the influence of an authority figure. Check out the study specifics here. This study has never been repeated because it is so cruel to the one doing the shocking. To learn they could do something so horrible to another person was emotionally challenging for these people. Of course anyone initially upon hearing this study immediately says they would never do that themselves. No way could they hurt someone like that. However, think again. When an authority figure continues to tell you that you must continue and it is necessary to continue, would you really stop?

On the French TV show only 1 out of 5 people quit early and refused to participate further. This experiment is good in reminding us to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs. This isn't about religion or morals. It's about what is ethical and right to do to other people. And no matter what people tell us to do or not to do we need to know what our personal values for human life are. Not just in case we end up in an experiment, but in case we end up in a position to influence the lives and pain of otheres. If you need more proof of what people are capable of check out the Zimbardo Prison experiment.

Lastly, don't assume that the participants in these studies are bad people already. That is not the case. Most of them are just like us. They are good people trying to earn a wage to take care of their families. They are no different than you or I and that is why we need to be sensitive to this research and really look within to see where we stand.

Feminism: Pro or Con?

So, perhaps as a woman I should not put this in print, but I’m somewhat of an anti-feminist. Sure, I very much appreciate their hard work so that I can vote and go to college. I’m happy to be able to work and help support my family. Those are all great things, but I’m not convinced the side effects are worth it. Years ago I even wrote a paper about how the rate of divorce increased at the same time as the feminist movement really picked up speed in the middle of the 20th century. More specifically though feminism is emasculating men and masculinizing women. This plays a huge part into how our relationships work. The reason we’re attracted to each other is because we’re different, not the same. We’re meant to complement one another, not compete with each other. God created us all as equals with an important purpose in His plan. We each have our own roles to play, but with feminism we, as simple mortals, are recreating our roles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly grateful to be able to have an education and my own choice to determine my life. However, we need to let men be men and us women need to work harder at being feminine women. They all worked hard to progress us as women, but now all we’re doing is saying we want to be just like men. That’s counter productive. Let’s use our God-given assets as women and impower that. We’re only hurting ourselves by saying we were never good enough as we were. We want more, we want to be men. Let’s remember who we are and be the best at that and not force ourselves in some other direction.

Okay, I know someone is going to disagree with me. That’s fine. Just please be nice and not rude in your attempts to criticize me.

Kids who self-injure

I might be married to a man with an aspiring film career, but I have interests and passions of my own. I am absolutely passionate about people and what makes them who they are. I studied psychology in college and was in love with everything I learned; even some of the darker sadder stuff. It really just opens up your world and helps you to learn to love every kind of person.

An article I read yesterday reminded me of this love and passion that I have inside. In this article it talks about children who self-injure and some of the reasons they explain why they do it. The basic understanding standing is the children use the physical pain to help them release and moderate internal/emotional pain. Psychologists don't know what causes children to start to self-injure or even how to help them to make it stop.

I remember volunteering in a state mental hospital for one of my university courses. I worked in a girls' classroom about once a week. I usually worked with this one girl, we'll call her Patti. She was a sweet girl, but very slow. I would help her with her homework each time I was there, but I always had to read her the material and then basically show her where the answer was. Part of me was angry that the system was failing her. She couldn't possibly be learning because no one was pushing her. Then one day one of the techs or teachers was talking to me about how her medication slowed her down and made a lot of things hard for her to do. I finally understood that she wasn't slow because no one was trying anything, but because the medicine to treat her problems were that intense. A little while after that conversation I was talking to Patti about goals she had (it was part of an assignment) and she mentioned one goal that totally surprised me. She said to me that her goal was to stop hurting herself. My mind reeled. Being just a college student with no clinical training I sure didn't think that could be why she was in there from the beginning. Frankly I didn't think much of their diagnoses. It wasn't why I was there. But the moment I heard that my heart broke for her. I couldn't imagine having so much pain in my life that I'd harm myself to feel better. It was terrible that something to severe was happening in her life, even though to this day I still don't know what that is.

Another story I heard about a girl who self-injured will absolutely break your heart. This was many decades ago that this story took place. We’ll call her Jenni. My teacher met her when she came into a state hospital because she was at risk of taking her own life. She was a cutter. She had scars on top of other scars from cutting. She was on permanent suicide watch. My teacher made some comment to a doctor about how bad could her life really be that she would do so much damage to herself and be considering suicide. The doctor then gave him her file and told him to read it. He did and what he found out will make anyone with a heart cringe. From the time she was a very little girl her mother had sold her for drugs. She had been used and abused by so many people, even her own mother, from a very young age. Knowing that about her makes sense, because I don’t know that any of us would want to live anymore if that had happened to us.

I know this is a long post, but I felt that it was important to discuss and to include examples. This is important to bring out because mental illness is a very widespread problem and it often gets little recognition or support. There are mental illnesses that can lead teenagers and even children to die by their own hand. Everything from depression, to anxiety to eating disorders. They are all so dangerous, but can be helped. We shouldn’t be afraid of the reputation given to mental illness. We shouldn’t look down on it. It is not something that can be helped or even necessarily prevented. We don’t get angry when someone gets cancer or has a heart attack. In my opinion mental illness should be treated like cancer. It is a disease that we should vigorously fight with the right treatments. It’s time to put on your game face and attack the enemy; not run away in fear.