If You Really Knew Me...

I've started watching the new MTV show "If You Really Knew Me". In it they help students break down boundaries, which in turn leads them to know each other better and have less animosity in the school. It's basically a reality show version of The Breakfast Club, but without the detention.
This quote this morning sums it all up.
"If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate." - Elbert Hubbard

I guess I wanted to try this activity for myself. I think I'm so desperate for people to see who I am and I think the real me is hidden beneath the intial projection of myself.

This is how I think people view me: semi-confident, fun, a jokester, and sassy. On the other hand, I think I come off as a bit negative, whiney, lazy, dramatic, too serious, etc.

I think at times those are all true. Although I definitely prefer the first set of characteristics and I hope those come out the most.

If you really knew me though you would know there is a deeper side to me. Out of this place comes love, an overwhelming amount of love for other people. I want people to be happy and to have all the best life has to offer. I want to help and make their lives happier. I just want to love everyone ever. I am filled with compassion for those that suffer. That's who I really am beneath the less than pleasant parts of me.

And for the record I am totally sassy and don't take much too seriously. I get stressed out about things, but beyond that I'm not much bothered. Everything is available for joke in my opinion.

Anyway, that's me. Who are you?

Being a Mom

I have never wanted anything more than to have my own family. To be married with lots of kids (lots means something very different in LA than it does in Utah) all hanging out in a happy home. Nothing else really seems to fulfill me and I ache for the time Eric and I get to have children. I love being married and I'm happy for the time the two of us have had to grow up and mature together.

Today, I cam across this little article. Boy oh boy did it get me thinking. It's basically discussing how some parents love their children, but hate their life now. I just hate that being a parent has come off as so negative. That somehow having kids has ruined their lives.** From what I've seen and experienced in my own life it's very apparent to me that parenting is really hard. Kids are needy and demand your attention. Loving and nurturing them is a selfless act. For those parents that left comments saying that they hated kids, wished they'd had abortions or that their kids ruined their lives I can't stop but think of how selfish they are.

They act as though everyone lied to them. That somehow everyone fooled them into thinking the rewards were greater than the challenges. Still that's pretty selfish to think. I just find it unbelievable that people could hate their lives so much because of their children. It sounds to me like they're not doing something right. They've either raised miserable kids or they have not given themselves permission to still have a life outside of their kids.

I appreciate the honesty of this article, but it makes me sad. I really hope that I don't ever regret the kids I hope to have one day. I want to love them and go through hard things with them. I want to laugh and play with them. I dream of the day I can take them to Disneyland for the first time and see their excitment. I even look forward to the fights and challenges. I just want to experience it all and I know I won't be perfect, but I'll try my best.

**Let's be clear about this, I am not yet a parent so my opinion on this topic may be completely void and useless.**

Parking

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I hate parking. It often appears that I don't like driving or that I'm not good at it. However, that's not true. It's what happens after I drive somewhere that freaks me out. Once I get to my location I don't just get to stop and get out. I have to park the car. That is where I get scared. Seriously, you're close to other cars and it's a delicate dance. I just don't like any parking and parallel parking is the worst. I might hate parking, but I can do it without damaging anyone's stuff. It has put me in tears before though.

All that being said, living in LA is the worst place to be if you hate parking. There is never any parking anywhere you want to be it seems. Every once in awhile we'll get really lucky and find a nice close spot. I don't like parking garages either. They kind of freak me out, but some of them are okay. I hate having to pay to park too. I just miss the wide open spaces of parking lots. They're nice and open ready for me to park in.

The one thing that makes parking better for me is Eric. He's a great parker (I blame it on his maleness and good spatial reasoning skill), which is why I usually make him drive wherever we go. Even if I drive he usually parks if it's a tight spot. He's good at it and pretty good about calming my fears with parking too.

Overall though, I still hate parking, but I am getting better at with all the experience LA has provided for me.