Modesty vs. Charity

I’ve read a lot about modesty in the past year. Had some really great conversations too. There are a lot of modern day women bucking at the traditional definition of modesty. That definition describes modesty as having our bodies fully covered so as not to allow others to by tempted by our belly buttons or cleavage. Not showing more skin than is really necessary functioning. This definition hinges on the observer not the one who is actually dressing.

I remember a class in college, a Christian University, where we had to conduct a study. I don’t exactly remember why we were doing it, but one group did their study on modesty. They tallied all the girls with low cut tops and skirts just a bit to short. I immediately raised my hand in protest. (I relate most to Hermione Granger of all Harry Potter characters.) When called upon I sounded a bit over dramatic, but that’s just how it was. Essentially I said their study was biased and unfair. A flat chested girl and I could wear the same shirt and hers wouldn’t be immodest  because there would be no cleavage, but an observer may consider the same shirt on me as immodest because I have cleavage. This isn’t fair or just. I hadn’t fully formed my opinions or understanding of modesty at that point, but I knew that having boys (or girls) judge my modesty didn’t feel right.

I’ve come to the understanding and opinion that modesty is about how we feel individually. To be modest of character and person, would mean we’re likely to cover up our bodies and not use them to show-off or entice others with our bodies or use them to gain favor with others. The way we dress can and often very likely is a reflection of our modesty. I like V-neck shirts. I think they look good on me and fit me best. I do not believe this means I’m immodest. When I wore them in high school to get boys to notice me and like me that was immodest (and it didn’t work).  With this understanding of modesty it then applies to boys equally too. If they wear tight shirts or tank tops to show off their muscles then that too  is immodest. But if a girl is training for a marathon and wears short running shorts and a sports bra that is not immodest, nor is it for a guy to wear a muscle shirt to lift weights at the gym.

When I mentioned this to my husband and said that it’s not immodest for me to wear V-neck shirts because I’m not doing it to show off my chest. He said something to the effect of it not helping others have modest thoughts about me. I reminded him that’s not my problem. And thought about how we reconcile our modesty with our responsibility to those around us. That is when the light bulb moment hit. We don’t have to be dress a certain way for others nor is it then even about modesty. It is our own charity that will allow us to see how our choices impact those around us and then behave accordingly. It does not make a girl immodest to wear a sporty bikini. However, it does show a lack of charity to the boys around her if she wears a bikini out to a church beach party.

I think it behooves all of us to stop judging others. Passing judgment on others shows a lack of modesty and charity in our character. But as I thought of this I think it’s worth sharing. We’ve too narrowly defined and understood modesty. It’s time we expand and make all people responsible for their own modesty and live our lives with charity for others.