Relief Society Presidency

Back in April I was called to be the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society presidency in my ward here in LA. (A ward is a congregation specific to a geographic region for organizational purposes in the LDS/mormon faith.) Seriously, that was my new calling and I'm only 25. The president and 1st counselor are the same age as my mother if not older.

Suffice it to say I was incredibly intimidated, but very excited nonetheless. I'm the counselor over RS activities. It's been so much fun and really exciting. I've been able to conduct meetings and give lessons. I've planned (with a committee) some really great activities that have been really fun for all of the sisters.

I was thinking the other day though that I feel like this calling is happening to me and that I'm not happening to this calling. I am working really hard though and trying hard to make things better. I'm doing my best at being prayerful and doing for the sisters in the ward as Heavenly Father would have me do.

This is a calling that I love and I'm working really hard to do my best at it. It's so much fun and truly a blessing to be able to serve in such an exciting way.

If You Really Knew Me...

I've started watching the new MTV show "If You Really Knew Me". In it they help students break down boundaries, which in turn leads them to know each other better and have less animosity in the school. It's basically a reality show version of The Breakfast Club, but without the detention.
This quote this morning sums it all up.
"If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate." - Elbert Hubbard

I guess I wanted to try this activity for myself. I think I'm so desperate for people to see who I am and I think the real me is hidden beneath the intial projection of myself.

This is how I think people view me: semi-confident, fun, a jokester, and sassy. On the other hand, I think I come off as a bit negative, whiney, lazy, dramatic, too serious, etc.

I think at times those are all true. Although I definitely prefer the first set of characteristics and I hope those come out the most.

If you really knew me though you would know there is a deeper side to me. Out of this place comes love, an overwhelming amount of love for other people. I want people to be happy and to have all the best life has to offer. I want to help and make their lives happier. I just want to love everyone ever. I am filled with compassion for those that suffer. That's who I really am beneath the less than pleasant parts of me.

And for the record I am totally sassy and don't take much too seriously. I get stressed out about things, but beyond that I'm not much bothered. Everything is available for joke in my opinion.

Anyway, that's me. Who are you?

Being a Mom

I have never wanted anything more than to have my own family. To be married with lots of kids (lots means something very different in LA than it does in Utah) all hanging out in a happy home. Nothing else really seems to fulfill me and I ache for the time Eric and I get to have children. I love being married and I'm happy for the time the two of us have had to grow up and mature together.

Today, I cam across this little article. Boy oh boy did it get me thinking. It's basically discussing how some parents love their children, but hate their life now. I just hate that being a parent has come off as so negative. That somehow having kids has ruined their lives.** From what I've seen and experienced in my own life it's very apparent to me that parenting is really hard. Kids are needy and demand your attention. Loving and nurturing them is a selfless act. For those parents that left comments saying that they hated kids, wished they'd had abortions or that their kids ruined their lives I can't stop but think of how selfish they are.

They act as though everyone lied to them. That somehow everyone fooled them into thinking the rewards were greater than the challenges. Still that's pretty selfish to think. I just find it unbelievable that people could hate their lives so much because of their children. It sounds to me like they're not doing something right. They've either raised miserable kids or they have not given themselves permission to still have a life outside of their kids.

I appreciate the honesty of this article, but it makes me sad. I really hope that I don't ever regret the kids I hope to have one day. I want to love them and go through hard things with them. I want to laugh and play with them. I dream of the day I can take them to Disneyland for the first time and see their excitment. I even look forward to the fights and challenges. I just want to experience it all and I know I won't be perfect, but I'll try my best.

**Let's be clear about this, I am not yet a parent so my opinion on this topic may be completely void and useless.**

Parking

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I hate parking. It often appears that I don't like driving or that I'm not good at it. However, that's not true. It's what happens after I drive somewhere that freaks me out. Once I get to my location I don't just get to stop and get out. I have to park the car. That is where I get scared. Seriously, you're close to other cars and it's a delicate dance. I just don't like any parking and parallel parking is the worst. I might hate parking, but I can do it without damaging anyone's stuff. It has put me in tears before though.

All that being said, living in LA is the worst place to be if you hate parking. There is never any parking anywhere you want to be it seems. Every once in awhile we'll get really lucky and find a nice close spot. I don't like parking garages either. They kind of freak me out, but some of them are okay. I hate having to pay to park too. I just miss the wide open spaces of parking lots. They're nice and open ready for me to park in.

The one thing that makes parking better for me is Eric. He's a great parker (I blame it on his maleness and good spatial reasoning skill), which is why I usually make him drive wherever we go. Even if I drive he usually parks if it's a tight spot. He's good at it and pretty good about calming my fears with parking too.

Overall though, I still hate parking, but I am getting better at with all the experience LA has provided for me.

Satan and Self-esteem

Something dawned on me last night. For a long time now I've been in pursuit of finding the root of low self-esteem across the board in women. I want to know the cause and how to fix it. It might not seem like a huge deal, but our self-esteem is tied directly into the life decisions we make; good or bad. Women have so much more value and strength than they can even imagine and yet it's diminished by feelings of inadequacy and weakness.

In talking to the other members of the Relief Society presidency in my ward. (These are two amazing women who have lived amazing lives and I learn so much from them all the time.) We were talking about the influence of Satan in our lives. We talked about how he knows our weaknesses and how to keep us off the path of doing what is good and righteous. He doesn't even have to make us sin to not be great, just distract us from doing what is good. As I kept thinking about it I thought about his influence in the lives of women.

I can't help but think he is not afraid of the power women can have to influence great change for the better. He must know something amazing about us that we don't know yet. He can distract us with low self-esteem (various ways, we all know it) and thoughts of how to be better. He can make us feel unworthy to accomplish great things even when it's totally within our right and capacity to do.

Satan has fooled us into thinking he only causes us to commit sin so we ignore his other influences in our life, but he is ever present in some way or another. Be strong and know you're worthwhile. God loves each of us. He especially loves his daughters. Don't forget that!

Obese Girls and Sex

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37344482/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/?ns=health-kids_and_parenting

This article is linking earlier incidences of sex, unprotected sex and multiple sexual partners to girls being overweight. I was very fortunate and didn't fall into any of those categories. I will say though how much I understand it. I would say if I hadn't been raised in a culture to value women and help us know the importance of waiting until marriage (and I know that doesn't work for everyone, but waiting at least for a first time until you're older than 13 makes sense to anyone) that I would have ended up like one of these statistics.

I know for me personally it was related directly to my insecurity that caused me to seek out male attention. Because I developed earlier than my friends I had assets I could show off to the boys to get attention. If there was a guy I liked in one of my classes I would intentionally wear tighter shirts or low cut tops to get him to talk to me and notice me. I was always hoping some guy would like me. For crying out loud I didn't even get asked to my senior prom and I probably only weighed 160lbs. Sure, I was overweight, but I wasn't gross.

Absolutely we need to help these girls be healthier, but we also need to let girls know they are good enough as they are. We need to make it less about appearance and more about who they are as a human being. They can be loved for their intelligence, wit, humor, compassion and various other talents.

It was the natural confidence I had about my intelligence that allowed me to rise above the challenges that could have befallen me. I'm blessed to have had the experiences I had and to have avoided some dangerous other experiences. Girls are so precious and we need to let them know that. Love your daughters, before someone else fools them into the wrong kind of love.

Women and Self Confidence

I’ve been thinking a lot about women and self-confidence. Those are just two things that seem to rarely occur together. In my 25 years I don’t think I’ve met too many women that are fully confident in who they are. The ones I have met are usually over 45 and even not all of the women I know over 45 are that confident in themselves. I just find this to be a real tragedy. As women we’re so beautiful, all of us. We don’t have to look the same to be beautiful. As women we’re not all interested in the same guy. Sure there are types of men that we’re all more likely to be drawn to, but we don’t all like the same thing. Men don’t all like the same flavor either. It’s our unique characteristics that set us all apart. We need to learn to appreciate our beauty for what it is and now what it isn’t.

Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Besides our appearance us women have so much more to offer too. We’re capable of multiply things. For a long time I hated that I had no visible talents. I couldn’t sing, play an instrument or a sport. However, I’m very smart and very discerning about people. I can understand someone in just a few short minutes and that is a gift/talent that I’m very fortunate to have. Our talents/gifts work best together and not separate.

I just really want women to love themselves and know that they are just how God intended them to be. None of us are perfect in anyway, but our imperfections can work for us and become strengths if we allow them. I just ask you to look past your weaknesses and see your strengths. If you allow them to be your strengths will great over shadow your weaknesses. Go out and share your strengths with the world. By doing so you’ll be able to see your value and learn to really love yourself.

Love Languages

So, if you know me then you probably know I’m not much of a huggy person. I always feel awkward and clumsy when I give hugs. I love hugging Eric, but that’s because I do that a lot that it’s natural and easy. It’s not that I don’t love you or want to hug you it’s that I feel weird like I’m going to do it wrong. My husbands extended family would not accept that so I’ve learned to hug a lot more and be more open about it. Good thing since most people in LA hug. I’m getting more used to it, but I’m still not so great at it.

As I was thinking the other night I realized that’s just not how I show love for people. I do have a great love for all people. I know with my bold opinions it might not always seem that I’m filled with love, but I assure you that I am. Turns out I like to cook for those I love. If I’ve ever offered to cook you a meal then know that I really love you. Sharing food is very intimate and it means a lot that I bring you into that part of my life. Grocery shopping, preparing and serving food is a show of my love for people. Really, it’s totally true!

What do you think about that?

Relationship Advice

So, a new blog has been started with me as a contributing member. It's an advice blog similar to the one I had talked about starting previously. So, please check it out. http://relationscoach.blogspot.com It's totally anonymous so I can't say which ones I wrote or anything, but you can try and guess, although there is only one posting as of right now. Please feel free to submit your questions and just maybe I'll be able to give you some advice.
Thanks!

Someone else is spending my money!

Okay, so I'm a bit frustrated right now. I'm frustrated with all the excess money the government is spending without thought to the consequences. Well, if they are considering the consequences then they don't care about them. I just wish we could stop the spending instead of increasing it.

Currently my husband and I are working on paying down our debts and being smarter about the money we do have. We are doing lots of research, choosing our moves wisely and making plans for our future. It is not easy, but it must be done. There is no way we could pay down our debt if we simply continued to use our credit cards. Some days I have the urge to use them, but I know that is not what we agreed to; it's not in our financial plan. Yet, our government (the elected officials in power) continue to spend money that doesn't exist as though somehow that will make things better. It can only get worse if we keep increasing our debt. Eventually we will get to a point where we can't even afford to pay off our debts because they are just too excessive.

Why do they keep enacting new programs or prolonging old ones at the expense of the tax payer? Somehow it's okay to raise my taxes for those who are unwilling to work. Why should anyone work when they government is paying them enough not to work. It's completely idiotic. Government run programs are what I like to refer to as "poverty programs". I call them this because people can't get out of them. Often they can't receive assistance if they make over a certain dollar amount. I know t his because there was a time in my life that I was using Social Security Disability. I'm actually ashamed to admit that, but I was disabled at the time. I'm actually not opposed to the idea of disability services because those are so often people who cannot do for themselves. When I graduated college and began to work I could only work part time to maintain my benefits which included medicare (health insurance). But what is worse was the restrictions on how much money I could make or even save to maintain certain benefits. This is why I called it a poverty program. How can we ever expect people to get a leg up when we don't let them save money or invest what they do have?

Now there is the whole issue of extending unemployment benefits. That sounds like a good idea to help prevent more foreclosures and the like, but it doesn't really help people progress. They have an easy time living on what the government will give them. I'd love a 2 year paid vacation, but then I am just a burden on society. It's not cool. There is no financial education to help people get out of these types of situations.

I think what angers me the most is that by enacting and prolonging these types of programs the government is essentially buying votes. They are buying votes with tax payer money. I am a tax payer. They are buying votes with my money! Ugh! I'm just so sick of it!

Mom's Rights

Check out this ridiculous story. A kid is mad that his mom blocked him out of his facebook account after he admitted on his account to breaking the law. He is now suing his mom for harrassment and slander. I'm not sure what the slander is about, but some judge will hear that. Harrassment though; are you kidding me? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! If that's true then every parent is harassing their kid by punishing them. Parents are supposed to protect their kids and that is what she was trying to do.

If the judge even takes the kid seriously we're in for trouble. This kid is dangerous especially to himself. We have parents to help and guide us through life and everything that goes along with it that teens can't understand.

Kids need to stop treating their parents like criminals for acting in their best interest. If we want to make things better in this world then we need to prevent crazy things like this from happening. Please read and discuss!

Milgram Torture Experiment

So, I read today about French TV show that is basically broadcast their own version of the famous Milgram Experiement. Read about it here. If you don't know the experiment, then let me explain from what I remember. He gathered participants and then made them shock another participant if they got something wrong. When the person was shocked they'd wince in pay. The shock intensity continually increased until the person was screaming. The shocker (T)was continually told by an authority figure (E) to go ahead with the shocks even though the other person (L) was in pain. No matter how much the shockee screamed out the person continued as instructed even against their own judgement. Turns out the shockee was an actor and the authority figure was just an assistant in a lab coat. It was a test to see what you could get people to do with the influence of an authority figure. Check out the study specifics here. This study has never been repeated because it is so cruel to the one doing the shocking. To learn they could do something so horrible to another person was emotionally challenging for these people. Of course anyone initially upon hearing this study immediately says they would never do that themselves. No way could they hurt someone like that. However, think again. When an authority figure continues to tell you that you must continue and it is necessary to continue, would you really stop?

On the French TV show only 1 out of 5 people quit early and refused to participate further. This experiment is good in reminding us to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs. This isn't about religion or morals. It's about what is ethical and right to do to other people. And no matter what people tell us to do or not to do we need to know what our personal values for human life are. Not just in case we end up in an experiment, but in case we end up in a position to influence the lives and pain of otheres. If you need more proof of what people are capable of check out the Zimbardo Prison experiment.

Lastly, don't assume that the participants in these studies are bad people already. That is not the case. Most of them are just like us. They are good people trying to earn a wage to take care of their families. They are no different than you or I and that is why we need to be sensitive to this research and really look within to see where we stand.

Feminism: Pro or Con?

So, perhaps as a woman I should not put this in print, but I’m somewhat of an anti-feminist. Sure, I very much appreciate their hard work so that I can vote and go to college. I’m happy to be able to work and help support my family. Those are all great things, but I’m not convinced the side effects are worth it. Years ago I even wrote a paper about how the rate of divorce increased at the same time as the feminist movement really picked up speed in the middle of the 20th century. More specifically though feminism is emasculating men and masculinizing women. This plays a huge part into how our relationships work. The reason we’re attracted to each other is because we’re different, not the same. We’re meant to complement one another, not compete with each other. God created us all as equals with an important purpose in His plan. We each have our own roles to play, but with feminism we, as simple mortals, are recreating our roles.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly grateful to be able to have an education and my own choice to determine my life. However, we need to let men be men and us women need to work harder at being feminine women. They all worked hard to progress us as women, but now all we’re doing is saying we want to be just like men. That’s counter productive. Let’s use our God-given assets as women and impower that. We’re only hurting ourselves by saying we were never good enough as we were. We want more, we want to be men. Let’s remember who we are and be the best at that and not force ourselves in some other direction.

Okay, I know someone is going to disagree with me. That’s fine. Just please be nice and not rude in your attempts to criticize me.

Kids who self-injure

I might be married to a man with an aspiring film career, but I have interests and passions of my own. I am absolutely passionate about people and what makes them who they are. I studied psychology in college and was in love with everything I learned; even some of the darker sadder stuff. It really just opens up your world and helps you to learn to love every kind of person.

An article I read yesterday reminded me of this love and passion that I have inside. In this article it talks about children who self-injure and some of the reasons they explain why they do it. The basic understanding standing is the children use the physical pain to help them release and moderate internal/emotional pain. Psychologists don't know what causes children to start to self-injure or even how to help them to make it stop.

I remember volunteering in a state mental hospital for one of my university courses. I worked in a girls' classroom about once a week. I usually worked with this one girl, we'll call her Patti. She was a sweet girl, but very slow. I would help her with her homework each time I was there, but I always had to read her the material and then basically show her where the answer was. Part of me was angry that the system was failing her. She couldn't possibly be learning because no one was pushing her. Then one day one of the techs or teachers was talking to me about how her medication slowed her down and made a lot of things hard for her to do. I finally understood that she wasn't slow because no one was trying anything, but because the medicine to treat her problems were that intense. A little while after that conversation I was talking to Patti about goals she had (it was part of an assignment) and she mentioned one goal that totally surprised me. She said to me that her goal was to stop hurting herself. My mind reeled. Being just a college student with no clinical training I sure didn't think that could be why she was in there from the beginning. Frankly I didn't think much of their diagnoses. It wasn't why I was there. But the moment I heard that my heart broke for her. I couldn't imagine having so much pain in my life that I'd harm myself to feel better. It was terrible that something to severe was happening in her life, even though to this day I still don't know what that is.

Another story I heard about a girl who self-injured will absolutely break your heart. This was many decades ago that this story took place. We’ll call her Jenni. My teacher met her when she came into a state hospital because she was at risk of taking her own life. She was a cutter. She had scars on top of other scars from cutting. She was on permanent suicide watch. My teacher made some comment to a doctor about how bad could her life really be that she would do so much damage to herself and be considering suicide. The doctor then gave him her file and told him to read it. He did and what he found out will make anyone with a heart cringe. From the time she was a very little girl her mother had sold her for drugs. She had been used and abused by so many people, even her own mother, from a very young age. Knowing that about her makes sense, because I don’t know that any of us would want to live anymore if that had happened to us.

I know this is a long post, but I felt that it was important to discuss and to include examples. This is important to bring out because mental illness is a very widespread problem and it often gets little recognition or support. There are mental illnesses that can lead teenagers and even children to die by their own hand. Everything from depression, to anxiety to eating disorders. They are all so dangerous, but can be helped. We shouldn’t be afraid of the reputation given to mental illness. We shouldn’t look down on it. It is not something that can be helped or even necessarily prevented. We don’t get angry when someone gets cancer or has a heart attack. In my opinion mental illness should be treated like cancer. It is a disease that we should vigorously fight with the right treatments. It’s time to put on your game face and attack the enemy; not run away in fear.

American Pride Cycle

So, I read an article last week. Now, I can't seem to find it. Basically it was describing how no democracy has lasted much more than 200 years. Eventually they all destroy themselves. They become large and arrogant and declare wars they cannot sustain. If you know the article I'm talking about and you have a link, please let me know so I can post it. Thanks!

The reason this article caught my eye was how simply it described America in the pride cycle. If you've ever read the Book of Mormon you know exactly how this cycle works and we are not in a good place on that cycle. Our society is about to implode and we'll all pay the consequences for it. We are a prideful people and it is now time we turn to God to get us out of the mess we have created for ourselves.

I apologize if this comes off as alarmist, but now is the time for alarm, not when the crisis is upon us. Let me know your thoughts and if you think we're in a better place than I do.

Addendum

I don't think I made it clear why I think it's important to be childlike. I said it because I believe that when we're childlike we more closely resemble the person God wants us to be. When we act "mature" and adultlike we more closely resemble the person we want to be. And it is my firm belief that it is through God and His Son, Jesus Christ that we are saved. So, it is better to be the versions they know is best than just what we think is best.

I know what it is to be childlike

Growing up in the church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) there was always talk about being childlike. I’m not sure where the reference is, but there is scripture telling us to be childlike. This was not to be interpreted as childish. It was not a command to never grow up and be irresponsible. Frankly, in my youth I had no clue what it meant. All I wanted then was to grow up and be an adult. I was growing closer and closer to the time where I would shred my childlike qualities and just be mature and responsible all the time.

As I grew older I began to realize some qualities of a child that would help me be a better person. Being able to listen and obey would help make me a better employee. Being imaginative would help me think outside the box in my problem solving. Being playful would help me enjoy life even when it was hard.

Still, it wasn’t until I moved to Los Angeles that I really learned what was so powerful and great about being childlike. In LA if you’re child like at all you’re looked down on as being naïve and insignificant. They’d rather be a grown up and do reckless things. For them drinking, partying and one night stands are grown up and a natural part of life. Children don’t need to drink to be free or enjoy time with their friends. No substance is necessary for that; they’re just born to be honest and have a good time. They’re not yet afraid to be themselves. Kids are always at a party. Their lives are a reason to celebrate and there is no need for a special occasion. They are free to meet new people when ever the occasion arises. They will talk to whoever they can whenever they can. There are no social mores for them. They sure as heck don’t have one night stands and not just because they don’t have sex. If they “hook-up” with a new friend at the grocery store those two are friends every time they see each other in the future. They want to spend time together in the future. If it was a good time once then it will be a good time again.

The most childlike quality you can have in my opinion is honesty. They are honest with who they are, what they want and what they like. They don’t hide things from us like we do from each other.

The more time I spend at Disneyland the more time I realize just how much I am childlike. The people I work with despise Disneyland. One guy even said he’d rather go to a strip club (gross!) than to Disneyland. The park fulfills my creativity, my dreams and the place I can just be happy to be alive again.

If not through Disneyland we can all strive to be more childlike in our lives. We can reach out to others and try to be more honest with others.

Rich Kids = Wealth of Problems

So, I just read this photo-journal article. It was just showing all these crimes that had been committed by children who had grown up in wealthy families. The article talks about the crotch bomber, John Hinkcley Jr., the Menendez brothers, and even Osama bin Laden. In it's own way the article makes a link between priviledged childhood and a criminal adulthood.

I suppose that raises the question of whether or not their is a causal link or not. Are kids from middle class or even poor families just as likely to commit these crimes. Does the degree of criminal behavior change as you increase or decrease the amount of access a child has to money and possesions. Are their ways for wealthy parents to avoid these risks with their children?

I have some of my own ideas, but I think these questions should absolutely be looked into. In my opinion there is a degree of boredom and the inability to be satiated that can drive young adults to do these things and live lives of crime. The Loeb brothers in the article for example. First, they lacked the necessary love and affection we all need as humans. Second, they had everything they could want. So, in that theory they should have never been bored. However, when everything is available or you can get it, those things become boring. The things you can't have or do become very exciting. Murder is about control, which they didn't really have over their lives, so they murdered because it was something they weren't allowed to do and at the very least it would be interesting. (Just my opionion, I don't know anything about them for sure.)

Of course, not all rich spoiled kids will be criminals. Just look at the Hilton family; those kids haven't killed anyone, yet. However, they are wreckless and there have been a number of DUIs in that family. There are a lot of risks associated with wealth, especially when parents allow posessions to parent their children.

This is just a note to parents and a plea for more research to be done. This is not a good sign for our society and it couldn't hurt to learn how to stop the trend.

My dad is famous now!

just want to give a little shout out to my dad. He's kind of famous now. He lives in Washington and is a huge hockey fan. He follows the local WHL team religiously. He even has season tickets now that he doesn't have kids at home to pay for. For all the years I can remember it was a family tradition for us to go to the game against our rivals on New Year's Eve. It was so much fun and always a great game. Just last night my dad was caught candidly showing his enthusiasm for the team and for the night's celebrations. You can check out the picture with him here or you can just see it below.