I have never wanted anything more than to have my own family. To be married with lots of kids (lots means something very different in LA than it does in Utah) all hanging out in a happy home. Nothing else really seems to fulfill me and I ache for the time Eric and I get to have children. I love being married and I'm happy for the time the two of us have had to grow up and mature together.
Today, I cam across this little article. Boy oh boy did it get me thinking. It's basically discussing how some parents love their children, but hate their life now. I just hate that being a parent has come off as so negative. That somehow having kids has ruined their lives.** From what I've seen and experienced in my own life it's very apparent to me that parenting is really hard. Kids are needy and demand your attention. Loving and nurturing them is a selfless act. For those parents that left comments saying that they hated kids, wished they'd had abortions or that their kids ruined their lives I can't stop but think of how selfish they are.
They act as though everyone lied to them. That somehow everyone fooled them into thinking the rewards were greater than the challenges. Still that's pretty selfish to think. I just find it unbelievable that people could hate their lives so much because of their children. It sounds to me like they're not doing something right. They've either raised miserable kids or they have not given themselves permission to still have a life outside of their kids.
I appreciate the honesty of this article, but it makes me sad. I really hope that I don't ever regret the kids I hope to have one day. I want to love them and go through hard things with them. I want to laugh and play with them. I dream of the day I can take them to Disneyland for the first time and see their excitment. I even look forward to the fights and challenges. I just want to experience it all and I know I won't be perfect, but I'll try my best.
**Let's be clear about this, I am not yet a parent so my opinion on this topic may be completely void and useless.**
Suicide
14 years ago
4 comments:
Have you ever gone on a non relaxing vacation? Where you've planned all of these things to do and see and places to go. And everyday you come back so tired, you go to bed late, you wake up early. And when you get home you are so glad you went, so glad you did it, but so glad its over because you couldnt keep that pace up forever. Parenting is kind of like that. Its so much more work for so much more joy.
That's a really good analogy I think. I have gone on that type of vacation. Being a mom is going to be a very interesting challenge.
My anger/frustration is really just at those moms who seem to think they were lied to about how hard it would be. Seriously? How little did you think about motherhood before you tried it out?
I think the gospel helps us keep things in perspective. I can really see myself hating life if I didn't have the gospel. I also think it comes back to the "grass is always greener" concept. If I didn't have kids, I would be aching for them just like you are. And right now there are times I ache for a day of peace and quiet or even a relaxing evening out with Jacob! But even though it's hard, of course you want to do it. We all choose to do hard things in life because if we didn't, it wouldn't be very fulfilling.
Thanks Debbie! Those are really good points. We always want what we can't have. One day I'm going to look back on this time of my life and think how crazy I was to want a bunch of kids. But for now, I want to have kids and one day I'll regret now spending my childless years more wisely.
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