I've discovered recently that I'm not very good (in fact, I'm horrible) at making friends. I don't think I was always bad at it. I used to consider myself a people person and I could make lots of friends. Now though, I don't really have many friends, definitely not anyone near by that I would feel comfortable just calling or stopping by to chat with. Since we're moving in a couple months I'm not sure if it's worth trying to improve relationships here or if I should just wait and try harder once we move. Well, let's get to the root of things first.
It seems that things really started to change about the time that I got married. I have some theories as to why these things would change.
1. My environment changed to being around all married. I especially have a hard time making friends with people who have children. I'm always worried that I will call at an inconvenient time or that I have nothing to say since my life experience is so limited to theirs.
2. I don't see people nearly as much now because I'm not in school anymore and I spend a lot of time in my own apartment, unlike when I was single. When I was single I would just go over to another apartment and hang out. I didn't always need a reason to stop-by, but I feel like I do now.
3. I've become very insecure lately. I'm afraid I'm going to offend people all the time. I tend to speak without thinking. People will tell me to just think before I speak, but I promise that I can be just as surprised by what I say as anyone else is. Words have literally come out of my mouth that I never even thought about. It just makes me feel wholly inadequate to be around people in a social situation. This feeling of inadequacy makes me nervous too, so that only increases the chances for verbal diarrhea.
4. I'm afraid to call someone a friend. I always feel like I'm going to announce a new step in our relationship that the other person wasn't expecting. As though I've just proposed eternal friendship to them or something. I'm not sure at what point it's okay to call someone a friend, and not just treat them like an acquaintance.
So, now I'm asking for help in any of these areas or guidance on how to make friends now. If you have any similar experiences or words of encouragement I would appreciate it. I'm trying to find a way to make friends and deal with my issues. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Suicide
14 years ago
3 comments:
Oh honey,
I think you are wonderful to talk to and I am sure there are many who think the same thing.
I never liked the moniker of "film widow" but I guess that's the way we live. At least I spend 110% of my time with you when I'm not on a film shoot, or in school, or finishing projects at home, or cleaning, or watching a movie... dang it! I need to pay more attention to you!
Tiffany! You're my friend. You're one of my very best friend's. We've been friends since we were 12! Can you believe that? Anyway... seriously, I know we don't live THAT close to each other, but really, we're close enough... you can call me anytime. Really... I do a whole lot of nothing at night when Kyle is at work or doing homework. Anyway... definitely call me sometime. In fact... we really do need to get together some time. Kyle and I were talking about that the other day, about how much fun it was to hang out with you and Eric. Really... I know we talk about it, and this is how it always goes after we hang out, but let's do it again sometime soon... before you move. When and where are you guys moving to?
Well, I definitely consider you a friend. I really enjoy our email thing. Plus, kudos for calling me while I was in town. I have two (and a half) crazy kids and it's NEVER a bad time. In fact, there is always so much going on with those little monkeys that I look forward to those calls from friends that come when least expected. So, feel free to pick up and dial ANYTIME you want to talk. I think you'll find that the majority of people feel that way. ESPECIALLY wives and/or mothers who truly need to keep these friendships alive.
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