Moved Out!

So, we were up until 2am cleaning our apartment last night. We had to be done by 8am today, which is the only reason we stayed up so late doing it. I hope that we past our inspection. It's hard to clean a whole apartment, but we did it! I'm actually sore from scrubbing and wiping. It's pretty intense.

I suppose that now we're technically homeless. We have a temporary place to stay for a few weeks, so we better know what we're doing by then. Cross your fingers!

It was really sad to leave our home last night for the last time. It's the only place that Eric and I have lived since we've been married. Just 2.5 months short of 3 years. I didn't think I'd cry, but the tears came. I'm going to miss the place, but mostly the people and sense of community there. We loved our ward and we're excited to go back next week since we won't have a ward of our own for now. The people in our ward we're friends and it just made me comfortable to be around them. No other place that we live will be that kind of community, but that's okay. It is a place Eric and I will always remember very fondly.

Now, it's time to move upward and onward. Our next home will be different, but it will be ours together. We'll meet new people and make new friends. Wherever we go next will be another life adventure for us.

Screening

Eric is screening one of the films he's been working on this weekend. The film is titled, Dirt, and it's only about 15 minutes long. Everyone is invited to come. It will be at 7:15 both Friday and Saturday (May 30th & 31st). Both screenings will be in F201 of the HFAC. We'd love everyone to come and it's going to be so good. It's not finished yet, but with comments from the audience it will be so much better by the next cut. So, come and help us make the best movie ever!

Cleaning!

So, we're pretty much all moved out. We have junk to throw away and donate, but other than that our apartment is empty. Well, we do still have our van seats in there, but tomorrow that will all change. The only thing left for us to do at our apartment is clean. We did some (with the lovely help of my mother-in-law) tonight and the rest is tomorrow. I will do the bathroom while Eric works on the kitchen. It's going to be so much fun, or at least I keep telling myself that. I love cleaning for other people... except not really. It would be more fun if more people were there, but for now it's just Eric and I most of the day. Wish us luck!

Still moving!

Does anyone want to help me pack? I'm overwhelmed by how much we need to do, but it needs to get done. Please don't feel obligated, but if you have nothing else to do feel free to come over this coming week. Thanks!

Moving

So, Eric and I are preparing to move out by the end of this month. It's unbelievable how much stuff we have to pack. You'd think you'd just have twice as much as before being married, but no, it multiplied by like 5... no wait...10. There is just so much stuff and I don't even know where to put it all. We certainly don't have enough boxes and life is just going fast. I should probably be packing right now, but I'm not. I guess I'll have to kick it into high gear tomorrow and really get a move on things. Moving is hard and I have to admit that I really don't ever want to do it again, but I'll have to. I guess it's just one of those hard parts of life. Okay, it's not that hard, I just get lonely and bored while I'm doing stuff.

Oh, there is still uncertainty about where we'll be going. We both really want to move to L.A., but we don't really think it's a good idea without a job or some sort of opportunity. I suppose that we'll find out soon enough what we're going to be doing or what the right step is to take. Who knows though? Life is tricky, just like packing!

Sunburn and a Talk

So, I got a pretty nasty sunburn on my chest yesterday. It actually just looks a lot worse than it really is. We had a yard sale at my in-laws' house and I tried to stay in the shade mostly, but sometimes I had to go out there. So, it's pretty red, but even today it looks a lot better than last night. Anyway, this is the reason that getting more sun doesn't help me get tanner. I just get red, my skin peels off and then I'm pasty white again. So, there is no real reason to risk skin cancer to just try for a little tan that will never happen.

In other news, I gave a talk at church today. It was about unity in marriage. People say I did a good job and I hope that I did. Maybe it will help others be more honest with their in-laws about what is and is not acceptable behavior. It's not so much about doing away with family as it is about putting your marriage first, above all other relationships and people. I have it written out on my computer if anyone wants to read it. Just let me know and I'll make it available to you.

Love to you all!

Mother's Day

This is kind of a weird day for me. I'm obligated to call my mother even if I just spoke with her yesterday. The forced phone call tends to leave me with very little to say actually. It just makes everything awkward and forced. I love my mother and spend plenty of time talking to her, but I hate that I'm forced to do it on this day. Okay, it's not that bad. I enjoy treating her nicely and sharing my affections for her, I just don't like the feeling of being obligated.

On the other side of this day is the reminder that I am not yet a mother. I so desire to be a mother; it's been my life long goal. However, it hasn't been in the cards for us yet. It is a blessing though that we haven't had a baby yet. I'm not sure that we could handle all the costs and stresses associated with a baby. We have all the love in the world to give to our children, but children need more than that.

I suppose, this day just brings up a lot of conflicting thoughts and emotions for me. In situations like this I tend to shut it all out. Maybe that is why Mother's Day is a weird day for me. I don't know.

One final thought to all the mothers out there: Love and treasure your children, give them a reason to celebrate you on Mother's Day!

The Last Two Weeks

Holy Cow! Life has moved so fast in the last two weeks. We are nearly done filming Diantha's Crossing and it has been an incredible experience. I have had some really rough and tough days, but there has mostly been good times. Finally, I learned by the end that I can't waste my time being annoyed with people especially when they're willing to help me. I'm not perfect and I do need lots of help, all the time. I'm grateful to everyone who helped me out each and every day.

This has been a great experience and I'm not sure I would mind if I did this for the rest of my life. I really do enjoy it! There may be possibilities of future work that have come from this and that would be so cool. It feels so great to know that people are impressed with the work that I do. The best part about how well I did was that I was under budget. There are some things I could have done better and would do differently if I could go back. However, it was great overall. No one starved and there was always food available.

Maybe, even I will have a career in the film industry. I never thought that would be possible, but it just might be. I wouldn't work for a studio or big budget films, but small and independent films. Maybe nothing will come from this and that would be fine with me too. Life is just sweet!

Reflection

First, I'm sorry that my past two blogs have been completely devoted to my personality. It can't possibly be the most interesting thing to read about.

Second, I'm really glad that I've written about it. I've received some really good and interesting responses to the "issues" with my personality. I really did want to hear what people had to say, of course, a little bit of that desire was to get confirmation that I was perfect and there was no problem with how I behave. Even though, I didn't get what I wanted, I got what I needed. There was a discussion about personality and learning to accept yourself. Even just in the past two weeks I've begun to accept myself in a way that I never could have before. This in no way means that I'm perfect and don't need to polish who I am. I will always learn to better myself and the way I treat others, but it must be in the context of who I am, not who other people think I should be. It's liberating to know that I don't have to change and that people will love me for who I am.

Third, I love everyone who had something to say. I'm sorry for getting defensive and/or upset at times. That's just part of me learning that not everything is a personal attack on me. I've felt that I wasn't likable for so long that I just assume that everything is a personal attack even when it rarely is. That's something I'm learning again and again as I come to accept that who I am is wonderful and beautiful.

My Personality

So, in the last week some things have come to my attention. First of all, for the past week I have been on a film set each day. I am in charge of craft services and catering. It's super fun, but I'm with a lot of different (and same) people every day. I love the rush I get from it. It's one of the best jobs (not that it pays) I've ever had. However, being with all those people has made me realize some things.

First, people find it hilarious and refreshing when I'm honest and just say what I'm thinking. They enjoy it because none of them would think to say what we're all thinking, but I just say it. The truth is, I don't realize that other people wouldn't say it, I just do. It's fun for me when people laugh at the things I say. I'm really quite clever and funny at times.

Second, people don't like my honesty and directness when it's not pleasant. As soon as I'm upset or disappointed in them, my honesty is too much to handle. It becomes this thing about me that is a flaw and needs to be changed. I even had a psychologist (who I didn't like or even want to see) try to change it about me. He made it seem like there was a flaw in my character. That is incredibly hurtful that people are so offended by it and feel the need to change who I am.

Third, like life, this double-standard isn't fair. It's fine for me to be who I am when I'm happy and relaxed, but it's a problem once I'm upset or irritated. I'm just not sure that people are ever going to like me for who I am or what I do all the time. I'm not sure if that is even much different from everyone else. I'm learning to love who I am and it would be nice if others could too. All it takes is getting to know the real me. Really, I am kind and loving. I just love people and want to do what I can to make their lives a little better.